


Erchomai

by Sandylee007



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s03e10 Erchomai, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Romance, Self-Sacrifice, Temporary Character Death, Worried Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-10-25 06:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17719535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandylee007/pseuds/Sandylee007
Summary: ALTERNATIVE ENDING FOR EPISODE 3X10           What if Magnus made his dramatic return a few moments earlier? Alec discovers in the worst way just how much Magnus is willing to risk when the arrow finds a different target. Will Magnus survive after the newest risk he took?             MALEC





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Erchomai](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/455552) by Sandylee007. 



> The final episodes of season 3 A… left me thinking. And as sometimes happens when I'm left thinking, I produce a story. Because I could immediately see another way it could've ended. (grins evilly)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: ME… NO… OWN. Seriously. There'd be WAY more Malec (and especially Magnus) on the show if I did. And while we're at the topic of disclaimers…
> 
> THIS STORY CONTAINS SOME DIRECT QUOTES FROM THE SERIES. Happy Ester Egg hunt! (grins)
> 
> Awkay… Are you ready for this? No? Well, let's go, anyway! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

There are moments in a person's life when their mind flashes back to the days of past. And memories come out, as clear as if they only just happened. Alec faced one such moment when he stared at the flames engulfing Magnus, unable to look away no matter how much he wanted to.

He remembered their very first kiss, the fire they'd felt from the start bursting to full flame.

He remembered their first time, the giggles that were as nervous as they were excited, the eager hands that found their way everywhere. And most of all the utter trust and affection they both felt. Safe in each other's arms.

And he remembered the night after Valentine was defeated, when he finally had Magnus back in his arms and decided that he'd never, ever let go again.

/ "You're beautiful." /

/ "I don't think I can live without you." /

Complete, utter horror struck through Alec's whole body, tearing its way through him as painfully as Magnus's cries of anguish. His eyes widened, a searing sensation taking over them. "Magnus, wait…!"

But it was too late. Alec stared at the spot where his boyfriend stood only seconds ago. "Wait…!"

/ "Tell me Jace isn't worth it." /

/

Magnus literally going to hell somehow wasn't the worst part of the whole ordeal. Even if it tore Alec's heart to pieces. Hurt far more than a monster in his parabatai's body breaking his arm and holding one of his own arrows against him.

"… begging me not to do this …"

The worst happened so quickly that even with his speed rune and well-trained reflexes, Alec would've had no hope of stopping it.

When the arrow was less than a breath from his chest something struck. He was jostled violently to the side, rolled over his injured arm and gasped when black spots danced in his line of vision. It took far longer than it should've before he recovered enough to realize that the arrow hadn't harmed him. His eyes widened while his gaze turned to the side. If he'd imagined that his heart broke earlier… Well, he was wrong.

The Owl had Magnus pinned against the ground – and the arrow which once threatened him was sticking from the wheezing, barely conscious warlock's stomach.

Jace's face sneered at him, the foreign expression looking horribly wrong. "You have no idea how loudly the boy is screaming right now. Because he knows. Of course he does, he's not stupid." The monster made his parabatai's fingers tighten around the arrow. "Even if you'd manage to break the spell… And even if you both somehow lived through this… You will never, ever forget his body doing this. You will see it every time you look at him." Before Alec could even twitch the arrow was plunged deeper.

Magnus's groan was louder to Alec than the distant explosion. His mouth opened but in the end nothing came out. He didn't see clarity returning to Jace's eyes, the hold of Lilith's magic fading away with her body. He didn't see Jace letting go of the arrow as though it burned, with a horrible wounded yelp. He was blind to those wide eyes staring at him, begging desperately for forgiveness. All he could see was the droplets of blood rising to Magnus' lips while the warlock fought to breathe, to stay awake.

Alec's reeling mind pushed him back to when Jace activated the Soul Sword accidentally. The sheer terror he felt then… It pulsated through his veins now, when after all his worrying about growing old and leaving Magnus behind he realized that this was how it might all end.

/ "I love you." /

Finally Jace's voice registered to him. "Alec…!" The look on his parabatai's face was an eerie echo from that other horrible day.

Just like then, Alec could only shake his head while tears gathered to his eyes. His legs barely carried him and his broken arm screamed from agony, but none of that slowed him down as he scrambled to his boyfriend. His good hand trembled when he ran it gently, almost cautiously, down the warlock's face. "Magnus?" He sounded desperate but it failed to bother him.

With a great deal of difficulty Magnus managed to focus on him. Even tried to smile but it didn't come out right. "… knew I'd… make a dramatic entrance…"

A brief laugh that sounded teary and hysterical slipped from Alec. He sobered instantly when he noticed how Magnus' eyelids fluttered, barely staying open. "No, no, no…Magnus, hey, stay with me. Stay with me." His mind whirred chaotically while he grabbed his boyfriend's almost limp hand and held on tightly, with all his might, for both of them. "Remember… Remember how I gave you my strength when you healed Luke? Take it! Take…" He choked on his words and the tears he was trying to hold back. "Take anything you need, just… Just don't…" Just don't leave me, please!

Something like apology appeared to Magnus's pained eyes. A feeble hand brushed Alec's cheek before falling down. "… sorry, Alexander … I can't…"

Alec tried to hold the warlock's gaze but it was slipping away. "What do you mean, you can't?" He actually cried out when Magnus's eyes closed, feeling vaguely like his heart was being carved from his chest. "Magnus!"

By some miracle Magnus managed to open his eyes halfway, locked them with his as though trying to memorize every detail. For just a little while longer. The softly murmured words were barely audible. "My magic… It's gone…"

/ "I will use the last drop of my power if it's the death of me." /

Yet again, Alec wished from the bottom of the heart he'd kept hidden for so long that he would've been able to scream. He stared at his boyfriend. Who probably still didn't fully understand just how much he meant to him. Who was wheezing horribly, possibly dying, no matter how desperately Alec's fervent whispers pleaded him to hold on. And like that wasn't enough torture, his mind conjured up his own voice, snapping viciously.

/ "Even if I did feel the something for you, would I give up my life for you? You just don't get it. I could lose my family, my career, everything! But at the end of the day… What do you risk?" /


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Magnus fights for his life all Alec can do is wait and try to convince his beloved into holding on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what? It's UPDATING TIME! Hooray...?
> 
> Before moving on with the story, though... WOAH! THANK YOU, for all your comments, kudoses, bookmarkings and love! I can't believe how captivated you were by the first chapter! I REALLY hope that what's to come pleases you as much. (HUGS)
> 
> Okay... Are you ready? Are you SURE...? Let's go, anyway!

Alec's ever overthinking mind whirred while he struggled to figure out what he could to save Magnus. To keep his boyfriend alive long enough for there to be actual help. Or to at least ensure that the man he loved felt as comfortable as possible.

Alec couldn't make himself let go of Magnus's hand, no matter how much it hurt to feel the responding grip weaken with each passing second. So he instructed Jace to try and staunch the bleeding. Unfortunately he'd received enough medical training, which he'd actually listened to unlike Izzy, to know that most of the bleeding was inside the warlock. There, buried inside, was also an unknown amount of damage. Along with the arrow Alec couldn't stop casting glares at. His arrow. That was the most bitter insult.

Magnus's small moan of agony when Jace pressed against the wound drew Alec harshly from his thoughts. His paratabai's eyes, which had aged decades since the Angel brought their owner back to life, filled with a fresh assault of guilt. "I'm sorry…!"

Magnus shook his head. Some of the pain disappeared, and for a while relief over seeing Jace there as his own self was easy to see. "… not your fault …" It was obvious that those words were meant to cover far more than the recent discomfort.

The warlock's head moved and Alec thought that it was an involuntary motion. Until he saw a pair of hazy, barely open eyes locking on his broken arm. Distress appeared to Magnus's face immediately and with a great deal of willpower a feeble hand rose. It ghosted above the injured limb, the occasional touches so light that they didn't even really hurt. Belatedly Alec realized what his boyfriend was trying to do. While horribly injured, possibly dying, the alleged abomination was still trying to heal someone else. The Shadowhunter's heart was somehow able to break once again when Magnus's brief moment of oblivion and determination changed to sorrow, defeat and frustration. The man gulped laboriously and refused to even try to meet his gaze. "… forgot …" It was said so quietly that he had to strain to hear. "…sorry …"

Alec shook his head. "No. Don't…" He swallowed thickly. "Don't apologize. You've got nothing to be sorry about." He tightened his grip on the other's hand when the fingers desperately trying to cling to his threatened to let go entirely. "We'll get you all fixed up. Then we'll…" He had to clear his throat when his voice broke. "Then we'll sort out the whole… magic thing. Together." After everything Magnus had done for him, for everyone… He needed this chance to fight for his boyfriend in return. He needed Magnus. "Just… Just hold on."

It was an unfair thing to ask, because it looked like Magnus had done all the holding on he physically could. And inevitably the strain turned out to be too much. Magnus's hand twitched in a mostly futile attempt to squeeze his. "… love you …" The warlock made the whisper sound like the most important thing he'd ever uttered in his centuries long life. Then, before Alec got the chance to respond, those dark eyes slipped closed.

Alec was almost sure that someone stabbing him repeatedly would've hurt less. "Magnus?" There was no reaction. To his pleading tone, or to his hand's probably painfully hard squeeze. Tears welled up to the Shadowhunter's eyes and it was a miracle none spilled. "Magnus…!" He wanted to keep crying out – to beg and pray – with so many words that his tongue got tied.

Alec didn't really register the approaching running steps. Or Simon's gasp. Or Izzy's voice, sharpened by stress, worry and fatigue. "What happened?"

"He's still breathing." Jace's quiet words snapped Alec at least partially back to focus.

Alec looked at Magnus's unconscious face and decided that he wasn't going to give up. Not when there was still a breath of life. Not when there was still hope, even if it was fool's hope. "We've gotta get him to the Institute." It was the only place close enough that might be able to provide enough help.

Three sets of eyes were instantly on him. Izzy was the brave one to try addressing him when he was at his most vulnerable. "Are you sure that it's a good idea?" They were all entirely too aware of the tensions that lingered between the Shadowhunters and Downworlders.

"Think about everything Magnus has done for that place. They owe him a favor." Alec sounded more bitter than he'd meant to or would've wanted to. The Institute had always been his home and he was willing to go to great lengths to protect it. But despite his loyalty he wasn't blind to the narrow-mindedness and prejudices that'd been hammered to his skull for as long as he could remember. (If he hadn't managed to look past those he would've lost the best thing that'd ever happened to him.)

Fortunately the other three chose to not waste time on arguing with him. Simon fidgeted from discomfort. He was clearly worried and the smell of blood definitely made things a million times worse. "Is it... okay to move him?"

Izzy sighed heavily. "No idea", she admitted, and obviously hated not knowing. "But we have no other choice, do we?"

Alec moved instinctively to pick up Magnus, until he remembered his injured arm. "I can do that", Jace offered with a heartbreaking amount of hesitation. His eyes met Alec's. "I know how important he is to you. I'll do everything I can to not hurt him more, I promise."

Alec tensed up. It was ridiculously hard to trust Magnus to someone else's hands when the warlock was in no condition to defend himself. Even when that someone was his parabatai. But in the end he nodded edgily. Unwilling to let the Owl win despite those vicious words taunting him. ('You will never, ever forget his body doing this. You will see it every time you look at him.') And they definitely didn't have any time to waste.

Lifting up Magnus was an intense process that seemed to take ages. Not needing a word of instruction Izzy took Jace's place trying to keep the bleeding they could see under control while the blond did his part. Simon hovered close and would've likely held his breath with each new motion if he was still among the breathing folk. All that was background buzz to Alec, who'd moved his good hand so that he could monitor Magnus's pulse. It was still there, barely.

While they prepared to leave he realized that Jace had been waiting. The blond's eyes scanned through the space behind Simon and Izzy. The hope and longing in that gaze were quick to make way to sheer horror. "Where's Clary?"

Simon seemed to feel sick. The crushing amount of guilt and grief radiating from the vampire was painful to witness. "She's… I caused an explosion, it destroyed Lilith, and then Clary was just… gone." The words seemed to be some of the hardest he'd ever uttered. "I think… I think it killed her. I killed her."

Jace looked like he'd been struck by something. Alec felt his parabatai's agony. Along with his own sadness. This was far too much for one day. They won, but how much did it cost?

Izzy shook her head. "I don't believe she's dead until we know for sure. You've seen what she's managed to pull off. She made it through this one, too. And we'll find her."

"Another good reason to head to the Institute." Alec worked his very hardest to keep himself together. Even when the pulse under his fingertips that kept him grounded seemed to grow weaker and weaker. "So let's go."

/

Persuading people who were supposed to be allies and trustworthy into helping Magnus was a war. For a few bitter moments Alec wondered why, exactly, he held the Institute and those working for it in such high regard. Then they were separating him from his boyfriend and letting go, no matter how briefly, was a battle he nearly lost. Alec paid very little attention to what was done to his own arm.

When he entered the same hallway where he once waited for news on Max, he was surprised to find Jace there. He could tell how badly his parabatai wanted to join Simon and Izzy in their efforts to try and locate Clary. But apparently this was something he needed first. And truthfully… After spending so long trying save Jace, Alec needed this, too. They needed to know that something good aside the defeat of Lilith came out of that horrible day.

For a while Jace stared at his arm. Then, hesitantly, lifted his gaze just enough for their eyes to meet. Despite the best of attempts no words came. From either of them.

Jace would most likely carry the weight of that day's events for the rest of his life. Time would tell how much damage the whole ordeal did to his psyche. As much as he hated it Alec might spend the rest of his life trying to forget the sight of a monster in his brother's body delivering a potentially lethal attack on the man he loved. (He didn't want to think about what it'd do to them both if Magnus didn't make it, because he didn't want to think about the possibility of his boyfriend not surviving.) There was no certainty of the fates of Magnus and Clary. But at least Jace was back. They had each other to lean on. Which was precisely what they did.

They hugged each other like the world was ending, and if either noticed the tears they both shed when they broke apart neither mentioned it.

/

Several endless hours later everything possible had been done for Magnus with the resources available. Whether that was enough… No one could say. Because the damage done was catastrophic.

At least the arrow was gone by the time Alec was finally allowed into the room. Magnus looked almost like he was sleeping, with a frown on his face. But that was little comfort with how pale and visibly in pain the warlock was. The lips the archer kissed and the hand he grabbed were terrifyingly cold. (It was like the other had lost all his warmth with his magic and blood.) The man was also entirely too still, when Magnus was the kind of a person who never, ever remained still for long.

Alec's chest constricted painfully and he tightened his hold. "When I was... drifting, once... I could't hear you, but... I felt you there. And... It made a difference. You kept me holding on, and... It wasn't just with your magic", he whispered because anything louder would've made his voice break. "Do you remember?" He licked his lips and looked down to compose himself. "Maybe... Maybe I can make a difference for you, too."

He received no reaction.

Alec massaged the hand he was holding with his thumb. Hoping that wherever Magnus's mind wandered, his touch was able to carry all the way there. "I should've never let you go to your father. I… I should've never let you go, imagining that you were an acceptable price to pay. For Jace's sake, or mine, for anyone. And you… You should've waited, like I suggested. You shouldn't have given up your…" Alec trailed off, there, the sacrifice too painful to process when he was already scared out of his mind. "What... What were you thinking?" He looked at Magnus's face and longed to find those eyes open, so they'd see how sincere he was. "This… This one's on me, though. If I was a better leader and boyfriend, if I didn't let my worry over Jace mess with my head… Then we wouldn't be here", he admitted sadly. "There's… a lot of stuff I shouldn't have done. But… I'll try to learn and do better, I promise. Just… Just give me a little more time."

His plea failed to do the trick. Magnus didn't wake up. The pulse that was Alec's lifeline as well continued to grow weaker.

Alec breathed sharply, each inhale wheezing. "You promised to make it back, remember?" He wasn't aware of the single tear rolling down his cheek. "Don't you dare break that promise."

/

At first there was some progress, until it felt like Magnus's body ran out of strength and will to keep improving. By sunrise Alec saw the cautious optimism of those working on his boyfriend transform into frowns of confusion. As from that point just sitting beside Magnus wasn't enough, especially with how cold the warlock felt to touch. They weren't able to share strength anymore. But Alec figured that maybe they could share body heat, at least.

The bed was a bit too narrow but Alec didn't mind. As always Magnus fit into his arms perfectly. Hyper aware of not jostling his beloved's grave injury, he maneuvered them until they were both as comfortable as possible. It was incredible how natural it felt to hold Magnus like that. Without invitation a memory floated to his mind.

/ "… nothing to be ashamed of …"  
"... what you're talking about ..." /

Alec swallowed thickly and leaned his head against his boyfriend's. "Do you know why I fought so hard in the beginning? Against this, us?" he whispered. He had to pause when his voice threatened to crack. "It wasn't only because you're a man. And a Downworlder. I didn't… I didn't think anyone could ever fall in love with someone like me. I was…" Alec wrinkled his nose and shook his head, which made Magnus's spiked hair tickle his nose. "I hated who I was, before you. I hate how that person still comes back sometimes and hurts you."

/ "Back off!" /

/ "… after everything I've done for you…!" /

/ "What do you want from me?" /

He tightened his hold on Magnus subconsciously. "I…" He cleared his throat. "I don't have any idea why you love me. But… I'm lucky you do. Because…" He lay his hand on top of where his boyfriend's heart was beating and felt a twinge of ache at how feeble the drumbeat of life was. "Because you unlocked something in me, too. And brought out the best of me." His eyes blurred for a second and he closed them when it hurt too much to keep them open. "Remember… Remember when I said that I can't live without you? I know that I take you for granted too much." All the damned time, he chastised himself. "But I meant it. I still do. Magnus, please…!" Don't make me face a world without you!

Fate showed the Shadowhunter no mercy. Magnus didn't wake up magically at his words, instead continued to fade in his arms. And Alec's mind threw another unpleasant memory back at him. This time the voice in his head belonged to Magnus.

/ "You don't regret it, do you?" /

Of course he didn't regret their first kiss, his first kiss. Even then, overwhelmed as he was. If he could've stepped back in time he would've told Magnus that. He would've done a whole lot of things differently.

All his doubts and insecurities, all that worrying about the past, the future and everyone else, about the whole world… Wasted time… Wasted opportunities… It wasn't until at that very moment Alec finally understood why Magnus begged him to live in the here and now. Because right there, Alec came to the realization that he would've done anything – absolutely anything – to get back the time they lost, to have even a little more time.

"Wake up", he murmured desperately and squeezed his eyes closed even more tightly. "Wake up, so I can... So I can show you how much I mean everything I'm trying to say. You need to wake up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... Hands up. Who wants to give Alec a hug? Sure, he's made his mistakes (doesn't everyone?) but the poor lad tortures himself so badly! (whimpers) And poor, poor Magnus! To have him suffering like this after everything he's done for EVERYONE... So unfair!
> 
> Thoughts? Comments? Rants...? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! It ALWAYS makes my heart sing to read your comments.
> 
> IN THE NEXT CHAPTER: Magnus's condition continues to worsen. And Alec decides that it's time for some extra backup.
> 
> NEXT UPDATE COMING UP ON SATURDAY. UPDATES WILL CONTINUE TO FLOAT IN TWICE A WEEK, ON TUESDAYS AND SATURDAYS. (You know... Just in case you want to read more...)
> 
> Until next time! I REALLY hope that I'll see you all there.
> 
> Take care!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Magnus's condition worsens Alec decides to call in additional help. Two people make unexpected returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Saturday, which means that it's also updating time. (grins) Hooray?
> 
> Daaang! You really seem to adore this story! (BEAMS) THANK YOU, a million times, for your amazing comments, listings and love! They mean THE WORLD to me. I REALLY hope that what's to come pleases you every bit as much. (hugs)
> 
> Okay... It's time to continue this fairly emotional time. What awaits our boys in this chapter...? I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

"Alexander?"

Alec gasped, his eyes flying open to take in a pair of dark ones he knew very well. Usually he would've been embarrassed by the tears that very nearly spilled. At the moment they were the last thing on his mind.

He was... He was in Magnus's bed. His boyfriend was right there with him, alive and, as far as he could see, unharmed. When he grabbed the warlock's hand it was warm from the magic coursing under the soft skin. Relief made a drop of moisture meander down Alec's cheek.

The fight with the Owl... It never happened. Neither did Magnus's sacrifice.

Hungrily, desperately, he claimed Magnus's lips with his. Determined to put every little ounce of his love and affection into the gesture. Without him noticing it his hand brushed the spot where a deviously small but life threatening arrow-wound once was. He found smooth, undamaged skin instead. His whole body began to shake when his senses were flooded by the feel of a healthy body against his and the familiar taste of Magnus's mouth. He didn't want to stop even after they ran out of breath. Not after experiencing, far too vividly, how easily he could lose all this.

A gentle hand pushed him slightly further, just enough so they could look at each other. "What's this all about?" Magnus searched his eyes with worry on his face. "You were crying in your sleep. Do you… want to talk about it?"

For once in his life Alec did want to talk. Needed to, in fact. "I love you", he blurted out the words he was so afraid of for far too long. He held Magnus's gaze, tried to read his boyfriend's eyes. "You know that, right?" You have to know...!

Magnus's expression remained unreadable. And then the warlock kissed him, in an amazing and heartbreaking way that Alec couldn't fully understand. "You need to wake up, now, Alec."

/

Alec woke up for real, to the feel of someone trembling against him. Reality crashed down on him with enough weight to make him want to scream. Along came brand-new fear. Instead of awfully cold Magnus now felt far too warm.

When someone entered the room Alec shuddered, from both deep-rooted self-consciousness and due to his protective instincts flaring. He barely relaxed upon recognizing Izzy. "He's got fever", he announced. His voice was hoarse and thick from exhaustion and a wave of feelings that were barely under control.

Izzy nodded and he hated the sad, defeated expression on her face. "I know. I just let the medical team know."

Alec clenched his jaw while his hand tightened around Magnus's. He shouldn't have fallen asleep. How could he fall asleep…?

"Hey." Izzy's eyes were full of sympathy. "You're still recovering, and I don't even want to know when's the last time you slept properly. Besides, you didn't nod off for even two hours."

That was very little comfort when even a minute felt like too long of a time. But maybe the rest did some good. All of a sudden Alec knew exactly what he had to do. He gave Magnus's cheek a chaste kiss, wishing that they didn't have audience. Then pushed himself out of the bed and up although it pained him physically to separate himself from his boyfriend.

"Just stay right there", Izzy tried to protest. "Stay with him. No one's going to mind."

Alec shook his head. "I think there's someone who can help. But… I need to stop by at Magnus's place."

Izzy, bless her soul, obviously saw how difficult leaving was. "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on him. I'll let you know if anything changes."

Alec nodded slowly, trying to feel soothed by his sister's promise. He looked towards Magnus once more and brushed the warlock's alarmingly warm face tenderly with his hand. "I'll be right back", he swore quietly. "So don't… Don't go anywhere." With that plea Alec walked away while he still could, and hoped from the bottom of his aching heart that Magnus would still be waiting when he'd come back.

/

After Alec's departure Izzy breathed sharply to regain her composure. Then she turned her attention towards the unconscious warlock. "Did you hear that?" She aimed for a stern tone but sounded sad instead. "I don't think I've ever seen him that emotional. Honestly? I was worried that he'd never let himself care about anyone that much." She took Magnus's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Don't you dare shatter that heart of his you brought to life. Don't... Don't leave him, you get that? Because…" She swallowed thickly. "As his sister I'd like to imagine that Alec can survive anything, but… I don't think he'd survive losing you."

Right there… Her heart thudded when she could've sworn that she saw the slightest frown on Magnus's forehead. It was gone before she could be sure but she wasn't able to smother the spark of hope.

She was too distracted to sense or hear someone coming until a familiar voice brought shivers down her spine. "How is he?"

Izzy spun around and lost her breath for a second upon facing Raphael, who stood at the room's doorway. The words she succeeded in finding weren't the ones she wanted to say. "What are you doing here?"

"Simon sent a flood of messages to let me know what's going on." Raphael's eyes flashed while he lifted his chin. Only a careful observer saw that he was at his most vulnerable. "You can report me to the Clave, but I had to come."

From fairly early on Izzy had some vague idea of how much the vampire and Magnus meant to each other. Her conclusion solidified the day Alec tried to pick her up from the vampire's home and it ended in a fight Magnus had to break. Once the warlock left and she didn't Raphael revealed to her that the time shortly after he was turned… was hard. Then Magnus found him and saved his life. Since then the warlock had become something like a father figure to him. Someone whose help and support he could always count on.

Did Raphael really imagine that she would've had the heart to report him, or to chase him away again, now of all times? She nodded to invite him in and let him take her place beside Magnus. She tried not to imagine how Alec would react upon returning. "I don't know when Alec will be back", she cautioned. She knew all too well that the two still couldn't stand being in the same room.

An absentminded nod was the only reply she got. Almost instantly Izzy felt like an intruder but couldn't convince herself to look away. Raphael grabbed Magnus's hand and squeezed it tentatively. She finally turned her head when the vampire whispered something.

Izzy had always considered herself to be an open-minded person. But sometimes she forgot that in decades and hundreds of years of existence immortals and undead could bond with each other deeply. The idea of losing one of those few people who were supposed to be permanent fixtures over the course of a long, seemingly endless life full of death and heartbreak... She couldn't even begin to understand how Raphael felt.

A barely audible sound snapped Izzy back to focus and made her look towards the two. She had to bite back a gasp when she saw that Magnus's eyes were open. Barely, but still. The gaze that was hazy from fever and pain roamed around, seeking. It didn't take a lot of thought work to figure out who he was searching for.

"Don't worry", Raphael soothed. The comforting tone was a nearly perfect mimicry of the warlock's. "Alec's okay, and he'll be back soon."

Magnus's fingers tightened marginally around the vampire's. It looked like he would've wanted to say something. But in the end his strength ran out and his eyes slipped closed.

Izzy wondered against her will, her blood running cold and her eyes welling up, if that was the last time Magnus ever woke up.

/

Elsewhere in the same building Jace and Simon continued their efforts to try and locate Clary. Because there was infuriatingly little else they could do. It was the worst kind of uselessness. After everything he'd been through lately… It was more than Simon could take.

"Start talking or leave the room." Jace's voice was tight, full of weight the still ongoing nightmare had brought. "You're… creepy when you go all quiet."

Simon snorted. He was tempted to throw something at the blond. "So sue me. It's been a long day." A long, crappy day.

Jace snorted back. "Tell me about it."

They were both worried and edgy. Their bickering might've escalated to a full-blown fight. If something borderline miraculous didn't happen just then.

"Jace?" Simon bounced up, his eyes growing to a comical size. "What… just…?"

For the first time in… ages hope sparkled in Jace's eyes. He seemed to be as close to laughing as crying. "I think I found Clary."

/

Entering Magnus's home when the warlock wasn't there… Alec didn't want to experience it ever again. Because the feeling of something being missing was crushing.

Alec locked his whole attention on his boyfriend's phone the second he saw it, ridiculously glad to have something to do. His hand wasn't as steady as he would've liked while he looked for a certain number. The second he found 'Catarina' he dialed.

She picked up quickly and spoke almost immediately. "Magnus, where the hell have you been? And what did you do? Lorenzo's on the warpath!"

Alec blinked twice, his mind struggling to comprehend. "It's, ah… Alec." His eyebrows furrowed, his mind wrapping around a potential problem instinctively. "What's going on?"

Catarina sighed heavily. "I'm… not sure. But Lorenzo's demanding a meeting right now and raging at everyone who can stand listening about Bane being done."

Those words very nearly broke Alec. They were a blow to the gut. He gasped from how hard he fought to hold back a sob.

"Alec?" Catarina sounded even more alarmed than before. "What's wrong?"

Alec gulped laboriously and struggled to be the steel hard Shadowhunter he'd been trained to be. "We… won against Lilith. But… Magnus got hurt. Badly. We took him to the Institute…" He wiped his eyes and didn't manage to pay enough attention to notice that his fingers came back moist. "I… I don't think they can do enough to save him there." He sounded scared, and every little bit as young as he was. For just that once he didn't care.

Catarina was quiet for torturously long. "I'll be there as soon as I can. Try to…" She paused. "Try to keep him hanging on until I get there."

Alec nodded firmly. Then realized that she couldn't see it. "I will." He just hoped that her 'as soon as she could' and his 'the best he could' would be enough. "What about Lorenzo?"

"Let's just say that there may be some… restless warlock activity today. Just let us handle our own issues." She went on without clarifying further and he figured he was happier that way. "I'll be there soon, I promise. And I'll do everything I can."

Despite all the stress, ache and fear Alec felt a touch of warmth at someone caring about his boyfriend that much. He managed a thank you, then hung up before he would've lost control over himself. Without any conscious decision his head turned so that he was staring at a much too familiar box. The one which had caused bitter fights. This time there was nothing covering it and it was open, just a crack. The possible invitation was far too much of a temptation and Alec hated himself for it.

Alec was surprised to discover that something new had been added since the last time he peered into the box. A short letter. Written in Magnus's familiar handwriting.

'I knew that you'd give in to the temptation again eventually because my past troubles you too much. I wish that I could tell you all the stories, give you all the answers, you'd need to be at peace with my life before you. And especially with the people I've opened my heart to before you. But I'm afraid most of those memories are just too painful for me to relive, and for that I'm sorry. So I need you to know and believe this. You shouldn't feel like the people these items remind me of are your competition, or imagine that I'd ever compare you to any of them. They're precious miracles that have helped me wander around long enough to meet you. And if I ever have to put an arrowhead into this box, it may not be the first item in the collection. But it will be the last. Because unlike you seem to think I wouldn't move on after you. You're the first and last of great many things for me, Alexander. And I'm grateful for every single day that I get to have with you.'

Alec felt like he'd been stabbed. The pain that coursed through his whole being… It took his breath away, which was the only reason why he didn't start screaming.

Alec was so distraught that it took longer than it should've for him to notice what was happening on the other side of the room. The sounds… The first flickers… And then there was a portal.

By the time Alec finally spun around someone was already stepping through. Catarina? Or someone far more unpleasant?

The arrival stumbled to the floor ungracefully, with a cry of pain. Clothes partially scorched and torn, burns and wounds covering the trembling arms desperately trying to hold the battered body on all fours. There was so much dust covering the arrival that it was difficult to recognize her. Until he took in the fiery hair, and the very familiar eyes rising to meet his. They were wide and frantic as they darted around. Then relief made Clary's whole body slump and she broke down to hysterical chuckles that soon transformed to coughs and sobs. "… finally got it right …" She focused on him with cautious hope. She looked like she'd aged years since they last met. "This… It's real this time, right?"

Alec had no idea how to react. "Yeah", he managed. "This is real." Not too long ago he wouldn't have believed that he'd ever be happy to see her. But getting her back… It was a ray of hope he desperately needed. "We though you were…" The final word remained stuck on his tongue.

"I... I don't know what happened. I thought I died, but… I guess I got lost instead. For a long… long time. I think I was... wherever I was for years." Clary shattered, there. Tears ran down her filthy cheeks, leaving trails, while she laughed and cried from the bottom of her heart and soul. "I… I couldn't find my way back, I couldn't focus enough to form or aim a portal properly… Then I… I thought of this place…" She trailed off but he understood better than well.

How many times had they all headed to Magnus's apartment in search for help, guidance and support? It was like a lighthouse for everyone in need. Even the thought of losing that… Of losing…

"Alec?" Clary studied him with alarm on her face. "What's… going on? Did we beat Lilith? Did we save Jace?"

Alec gritted his teeth and nodded. "Yeah. We did." If just a few things went differently it could've been a great victory. It was incredibly hard to rejoice when the cost of winning was so great.

"Then… What's wrong?" Clary's eyes widened again and filled with dread when realization began to dawn. "Where's Magnus?"

Alec was spared from having to answer immediately because his phone announced a new message. But the relief came at a cost. He felt like the world was shaking and crumbling around him when he read the words from Izzy.

'Get back to the Institute, NOW!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank gosh they got Clary back! (sighs) But what about Magnus...? Because that final line is every bit as ominous as it sounds...
> 
> AND, the word is yours, now! Was that any good, at all? Back to editing board? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! Comments (and listings) ALWAYS brighten my day.
> 
> IN THE NEXT ONE: Emotions run high. It all culminates to horrible news. In the meantime Lorenzo learns the hard way that the warlocks haven't turned their backs on Magnus, after all. (Because SERIOUSLY, how could they just let Lorenzo take over with a shrug? Yeah, a frustrated author is frustrated, LOL.)
> 
> Until next time! I REALLY hope I'll see you all there.
> 
> Take care!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions run high when Magnus's condition deteriorates even further. It all culminates to horrible news. In the meantime Lorenzo learns the hard way that the warlocks of Brooklyn haven't turned their backs on Magnus, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Tuesday, which means... TIME TO UPDATE! (grins)
> 
> THANK YOU, a million times, for your amazing comments and all the listings! (A special HOORAY to this story hitting 100 kudos markings. You guys are AWESOME!) They DEFINITELY make my day. (BEAMS, and HUGS)
> 
> The previous chapter was quite emotional, aaaaand... so is this one. Just very differently. (Mostly.) We will, as was inevitable, have Alec and Raphael in the same room. And those two go together about as well as dynamite and a box of matches. (winces) Please don't get mad at Raphael - he's just worried and feeling protective of his papa. (smiles fondly)
> 
> Brace yourselves... Here we go! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

In Alec's opinion everything happened infuriatingly slowly after Izzy's message. Clary wasn't able to walk on her own and dragging her along would've taken far too long with how urgently he needed to get to the Institute. So he helped her activate a couple of runes to speed things up and they began to leave Magnus's apartment as quickly as they could. Alec hoped desperately that he wasn't too slow, anyway. Clary tried asking him what was going on a couple of times but he couldn't bring himself to utter a word. (The weight of even one syllable on his tongue might've shattered the feeble hold he had on his emotions.) Eventually she was too exhausted to keep prying.

When he gave Clary no information, she eventually chose to ask something else. "Alec?" She appeared uncertain, almost scared. "Are you… sure that it's a good idea to take me to the Institute?"

Alec's facial muscles tightened while an oncoming stress headache made itself known. "You need a place to recover. And right now things are so hectic that I doubt anyone would have the time to notice you. Let's just… worry about everything else later." The list of things to worry about was getting depressingly long…

When they made it to a cab, which was elected because running wasn't an option at the moment, Alec took his phone. He sought out Jace's number and offered the item to Clary. "Call him. I've got a feeling that he needs to hear your voice." He knew that he would've given just about anything to hear Magnus's.

Trying not to listen in, Alec stared out the car's window, his heart so heavy it hurt. It was supposed to be a happy moment, and it was. He hated himself for the selfish resentment and jealousy that sparked when he felt his parabatai's relief and joy through their bond. He was all too aware of the fact that he might lose the love of his life on the same day when Jace got back his. And he had no idea how to handle it.

Although it wasn't a long journey it seemed to take ages. Jace and Simon were outside waiting for them. Alec couldn't stand watching the tear-filled, happy reunion. Especially when there wasn't a second to waste. 

Alec's chest constricted from fear yet again once he saw the expression on Izzy's face when he found her outside the room where Magnus was. He felt a needless, unhelpful bout of anger as he noticed that someone else sat beside the warlock. The tension could've been cut by a knife while his eyes met Raphael's.

"Not now. Both of you." Izzy's tone and the uncharacteristic fear in it pushed the tension to the background. Had she been crying? She gulped. "The wound... It looks a lot worse, and his temperature keeps rising. I sent you the message when his vitals started dropping, and the medical team hinted that it may be time to..." She refused to utter the rest.

Alec rushed into the room and blatantly ignored Raphael. He no longer cared the slightest bit about who might see and what they might think. His knees came ridiculously close to buckling when he lay his eyes on his boyfriend. He wouldn't have needed the warning from before to figure out that something was definitely worse.

Magnus's breathing sounded horrible. There was a sheen of sweat on the trembling warlock's forehead, a sure sign that the fever from before had spiked with no desire to go down. What struck him the most, however, was the hair.

There, among the midnight dark locks, was now a single snow-white strand.

"No one knows what's going on", Izzy explained quietly. Her voice was sad and frustrated. "He's received all the healing imaginable, but... None of it is working. It's like his body just decided to… crash."

Alec couldn't bring himself to process her words. He took Magnus's hand and squeezed as tightly as he dared to. "I'm back. Just like I promised", he announced hoarsely and wished that his boyfriend was somehow able to hear him, or to at last feel him. "Catarina… She'll be here, too, soon. And… Clary, we got her back. She's safe now, right here." "That's right", Clary's weak and tired voice came from behind him while she entered the room with slow steps. There was a faint sniffle. "We're all right here. Fighting with you." Alec tried to obtain a hint of reassurance from her words. "We also got Jace back, remember? And we'll…" His voice cracked. "We'll get your magic back, too." He kissed the hand in his hold. "Everything will be okay, you'll see. So just… Just hold on."

Magnus was in no condition to offer him any sort of an answer, which would've been more than bad enough. But unfortunately someone made the whole thing worse by responding instead. "You'll get his magic back?" There was a not exactly well disguised sharp edge to Raphael's tone. The vampire's teeth seemed disconcertingly sharp, fangs almost revealed. "What did you drag him into this time?"

/

When Lorenzo Rey summoned the meeting he felt as outraged as he was satisfied. Magnus Bane had been a thorn in his side but made his final mistake when attacking him. Now… Now, it was finally time to make him pay. To banish him to the depths of the Spiral Labyrinth, just like he promised.

That was how Lorenzo envisioned the meeting to go. But there was something he'd failed to learn over the course of his long life. Sometimes things don't go the way we plan.

Lorenzo entered the event with an aura of smug confidence. Only to falter with a frown when he realized that it wasn't the Council waiting for him. It was almost every single adult warlock of the city, aside the one accused. "What's the meaning of this?"

Suddenly nervous, everyone exchanged looks but no one spoke up. Until Catarina Loss took a step forward. "We heard about your plan to punish Magnus for his alleged crime." She lifted her chin, her jawline tightening. "Since he's currently indisposed… We decided to approach the Council in his stead to make an appeal for him."

Lorenzo's left eyebrow twitched. "He attacked me! Me, the High Warlock of Brooklyn, your leader! How dare you defend him…?"

He was interrupted. "Because everyone standing accused deserves a proper defense. Unlike mundanes we warlocks don't conduct witch hunts." A seemingly young woman with shortcut black hair and eyes of the same color stood beside Catarina. She wasn't tall but the fire in her gaze easily made up for it. He had no idea who she was, but for some reason she seemed oddly familiar. Her tone was deceitfully friendly but her eyes revealed the truth. "When Magnus made a bad decision in a moment of weakness you stole his position without giving him the chance to speak for himself. We're not letting you do something like that again."

/

Alec started the story once the whole gang was present. Because he didn't think he'd be able to go through it twice. Raphael listened without uttering a single word, his face a mask of steel. When the entire tale was out the vampire remained eerily silent for a few moments. As did everyone else in the room. The only sound came from Magnus's unhealthy breathing, until Raphael eventually found his voice. "Let me make sure that I got this right. You let him go to Edom? To make a deal with his father, who is also a Greater Demon?"

Alec shuddered. It was bad enough to have the whole thing playing in his head on a constant, merciless loop. (A kiss, hellfire, screams, an arrow, blood...) He wasn't sure he could handle having his worst mistake being hauled at him like this. Especially now. "I should've done more to stop him", he admitted. If he'd given stopping Magnus more than one half-hearted attempt… If he fought harder… If, if, if… "But there wasn't enough time to figure out another plan."

Raphael snorted bitterly. "There wasn't enough time…" A pair of dark eyes moved from Magnus to him and hardened. "Then there wasn't enough time to wait for his return. So you took those under your lead and protection to face Lilith without his help. Hoping that he might come back to save the day and your parabatai before it'd be too late. Yet again." The vampire's hands fisted tightly enough for it to make a sound and a hard, heavy gaze went through them all. "Even with how dependent on him you are and how often you beg him for favors... This is a new low'." Raphael gave Jace a sharp glare when the blond opened his mouth to interrupt, then focused on Alec. "I once compared the relationship between you two to addiction. Do you know why? Because when Magnus cares for someone, he forgets all reason and self preservation. He goes at it with his whole heart and soul, even if it destroys him. And I've never seen him care about anyone like he cares about you. Do you finally get how far he'd go for you now?"

Izzy's words from when they were kids came back to Alec. He shivered. / "One day, somebody's gonna love you, heart and soul." /

'What do you risk?' he once asked Magnus. Now he knew the answer. 'Everything.' "What Magnus and I have isn't an addiction", he hissed, rage boiling when the pain reached its peak. He took a couple of steps away from his boyfriend in favor of approaching Raphael threateningly. He took full advantage of their height difference with his stance. "It's love. And that you can't tell the difference... It means that you've never been in love." He barreled on without catching his breath. "Do you want to know what being in love feels like, Santiago? Right now all I can think about is that the arrow was meant for me, that it should've hit me! And if I had my way I'd take it and ten more to spare him from this!"

They were too focused on their verbal attacks to hear the tiniest of whimpers from the bed. Someone else was paying attention. "Hey!" To everyone's surprise the growl didn't come from Izzy or Jace. It was Simon, who'd placed himself between the arguing men and Magnus. "You seriously want to fight, right now? Then do it outside!"

For once in agreement over something, the two of them left the room before the… conversation continued. They barely made it to the hallway before Raphael went on. "You speak of love. Yet you let Magnus go to hell." The vampire didn't give him a chance to defend himself. "You're young and naive. But as a Shadowhunter you have to know enough to realize that he wouldn't get any favors from a Greater Demon without giving something far more valuable in return. If you knew what Asmodeus has done to his children, you'd understand how little that so-called bond means."

Alec shuddered. The horrible truth was that he did know or guess, at least a part of him did. That was why he pleaded Magnus to make it back before reluctantly letting him go. His mind assaulted him with a memory of the warlock's incredibly sad and scared face before that departure. "Do you seriously imagine that I don't regret letting him go without you rubbing it in my face?"

/ "I love you, Alexander." / It was the first time Magnus said it first. Looking back now, it sounded like a goodbye.

"Well he doesn't regret doing it. I don't even have to ask him to know." Raphael's eyes flashed. "You keep doubting his devotion to you and the future of your relationship like a child." The older man went on before he could ask. "And no, Magnus hasn't told me anything about it. Because unlike you, he prefers keeping private matters between the two of you. Someone I know happened to hear your drunken little self-pity party with Underhill." (In a different company Alec would've grimaced at the few hazy memories he had of that awful day. At the moment he used all his self-restraint and some to not punch Raphael. His fists itched and twitched from temptation.) "He loves you enough to face Asmodeus for you. Enough to give anything for you, including his life. What do you give him in return?"

"Raphael…!" Izzy, who'd just entered the hallway to break off their still ongoing quarreling, attempted to interject but was ignored.

"Duty… Family… There's always something or someone more pressing on your mind. And Magnus accepts it because it doesn't even cross his mind that he could ask for more. He'd never ask you to put him first. He shouldn't even have to." The vampire shook his head, suddenly disappointed rather than angry. "Magnus is like a father to me. I owe my life to him. So I try to respect those who are important to him, whether I approve of them or not. But I'm done being quiet about how much it hurts him to be constantly doubted and sidelined by you." Raphael's jaw tightened. "I've experienced first hand how fiercely you protect those precious to you. When are you going to start doing the same for Magnus?" 

Alec took a hostile step forward. He had every intention to hurl the older man against a wall and didn't manage to stop himself until at the last moment. "Fighting for him is all I've been doing since he came back from Edom!" he growled. Sounding a lot like a werewolf about to attack. "Who are you to point fingers? You disappeared when he and we all would've needed you!" He didn't even try to hide the accusation.

He was too preoccupied to figure out that there was something bizarre in the way the vampire and his sister tensed up at his words. They avoided looking at each other. "Both of you, shut up!" Izzy was visibly struggling to resist the temptation to place herself between them. "Now's not the time..."

Alec clenched his jaw and shook his head. "No, Izzy. Let me finish." He inhaled sharply and hated the way his eyes stung for a moment. All of a sudden anger drained away, leaving him feeling far too vulnerable. "I… I do love Magnus. I know that I'm too often horrible at showing it. And that I keep messing up." What point was there in sugarcoating it? "This is my first time… with someone." And the last, he knew already. "I'm a slow learner, but… I'm trying. I am learning." Magnus was a good teacher. "And when he gets better… I'll try harder." He meant it. Whether anyone believed him or not. He looked down when unpleasant memories haunted him mercilessly. "I just… I need a chance, just one more."

Raphael stared at him with an unreadable look on his face. "Magnus hasn't typically trusted Shadowhunters, and considering his history for a good reason. Nephilim have inflicted a lot of pain and misery on him and his people." (Alec immediately planned on asking his beloved for a clarification to that, one day. He told himself that he'd get the opportunity to.) "So I wasn't happy about it when he started pursuing a relationship with you. I'm still not happy about it. Show me that I'm wrong."

Alec felt his eyes harden from determination. "I plan to." He was already looking forward to proving the vampire wrong. (Belatedly he also came to realize that for the second time that day they were on the same page about something. Neither was willing to imagine Magnus being gone.)

"Guys?" Jace peered from the room, a strained look on his pale face. How much of the whole exchange did he and everyone else inside hear? Apparently too much. "Think you can keep it down?"

Alarm flaring in his mind, Alec took a peek inside. His chest constricted when he saw that Magnus was shivering even worse than before and a tear ran down his boyfriend's face.

/

While Alec and Raphael returned to the room, their squabble forgotten for a moment, Izzy turned her attention to Jace, who emerged without noticing her. She frowned while studying the look on his face and the way his whole body was trembling. "Are you okay?" After everything that happened, after the hell Jace went through, she hadn't expected Clary's return to be a magical 'this fixes all' solution. But it was nonetheless heartbreaking to see how shaken her brother still clearly was.

Jace shook his head slowly, eyes on the floor. "It's… It's my fault that Clary ended up to the situation she was in. That she wandered... wherever she was, for... what, years, apparently. That she almost…" He couldn't bring himself to finish and wiped his eyes. "And… It's my fault that Magnus lost his magic. That he's… here. I did this to him."

Izzy shook her head immediately. "Jace, no. Lilith is the only one to blame."

Jace looked at her, utterly unconvinced. There was a chilling amount of self-hatred in his eyes. "I had no control over the Owl. I was too weak to resist Lilith and now… Now I have to live the rest of my life with the memories of my hands trying to kill Alec, Clary and Magnus. How am I supposed to ever look at them in the eye again?"

/

Catarina could feel the air inside the room electrify while tensions ran high. She let her gaze linger on the crowd gathered there, on the faces that suddenly held confidence once more. (If only Magnus would've been able to see it, to feel it…)

"And who is this 'we' planning to stop me?" Lorenzo spat.

"All of us." The feeling of cohesiveness was contagious, sparked Catarina's own self-assurance to a new flame. "Magnus isn't perfect. None of us is. And sometimes he makes mistakes. Forming an alliance with the Seelie Queen was definitely one, but even then he did what he thought was right. We made a mistake as well, when not standing up for him sooner. Like he's always defended us, no matter what."

"When Valentine came after us all he did everything in his power to keep us safe", a male voice from behind her reminded.

"His door is still always open whenever we need him", another voice joined in.

"And when the ley lines started acting up at your party, he and his Shadowhunter boyfriend moved immediately to help us all. Including my Madzie. While you stood there and watched." There was a faint growl to Catarina's usually calm voice when she remembered the sheer terror she felt then. "Later they solved the entire problem. You did nothing but falsely accused Magnus and took full credit for his efforts."

Loud murmuring took over the room. Lorenzo responded to the shocked and appalled looks directed at him with a glare. "We're not here to discuss his heroics. We're here because he attacked me."

The woman stood beside Catarina, who already challenged Lorenzo earlier, snorted before answering. "Do you honestly imagine that there'd be any sort of a verdict without Magnus's side of the story being heard?" Her eyes narrowed. "He has a temper. But he'd never attack another person unprovoked."

"He approached you for help, didn't he?" Catarina realized. And felt her heart break at how desperate Magnus must've been at the time. "And you said 'no'. Despite knowing that Lilith was here, fully capable of destroying us and the world as we know it. Because you valued childish grudges and pride above the safety of the whole city. Above us."

Stunned murmuring erupted once more. A man Catarina remembered having seen at Lorenzo's party took his turn to speak. "If you're planning on punishing Magnus… Then you can punish all of us. Because we're on his side."

When Lorenzo darted an ugly glare towards her there was nothing left of the charmer who wormed his way to his current position. "You", he hissed like a snake. "You arranged this farce."

Catarina shook her head. "No. You did." She couldn't believe that there was a time when she was wary of going against the pathetic creature in front of her. "I only did what was necessary to defend Magnus. Not only as my friend, but also as a leader. And the only thing I regret is not doing it sooner." Now Magnus might die imagining that they'd all turned their backs on him, and she loathed herself for it.

There wasn't even a faint whisper of objection. Realizing that none would come, Lorenzo did the only thing he could to salvage at least a tiny portion of his dignity. He whirled around and walked away.

Not much later Catarina was just about to leave, in a rush to get to Magnus. She made it to the hallway before the black haired woman who took her side earlier stopped her. "How is he?"

Catarina sighed heavily and shook her head. "I don't know much yet, but… Things sound bad. He's at the Institute."

The other's eyes widened a fraction and flashed sharply. "At the Institute? Why the hell would he be there, among… them, when he's at his most vulnerable?"

Despite the grim circumstances Catarina smiled, just a little bit. "I don't trust that place, either", she admitted. She also remembered Alec with Magnus, and Madzie "But he's in safe hands." She then took a deep breath. "Diah... Thank you, for coming here to support Magnus. He'd appreciate it."

Diah snorted. "You know as well as I do that he wouldn't. And he'd be furious with you if he knew that you let me anywhere near his city. For... a regrettable amount of good reasons." There was a fleeting grimace while memories resurfaced, soon to be replaced by a familiar, charming smile. "But... I do appreciate the sentiment." The other then sobered. "Still... If things get so desperate that you need my help... Let me know."

Catarina nodded. Even if she was almost certain that she'd never again consult such a dubious ally. "I will. Now get away from here before the Clave catches a sniff of you."

Upon portaling to separate destinations, they had no idea that behind a corner Lorenzo had been standing like a shadow, listening to every word keenly.

/

Waiting for Catarina's arrival took far too long. Magnus's fever continued to spike and rage, and no one at the Institute knew how to make it go down. Alec dreaded to imagine how much higher it could get, before…

At least they'd been allowed to move Magnus to Alec's room, since there was no point in keeping him trapped to the useless infirmary. The new location provided some little comfort, and enough privacy to help Alec continue talking. "I know that I've pushed you away and let you down too many times." He stroked the warlock's hair, which was a great deal softer than one might expect. He kissed the damp locks and fought a war to hold back tears when Magnus spasmed lightly from fever. "But I can't… I can't see my future without you anymore. All my life… I've dreamed of meeting someone like you. Remember when I told you that?" Another spasm, a weaker one, made him continue the stroking motions from before. "All those things that I was so scared of losing before we got together… My family's reputation, my career… Back then I barely knew what it's like to have something to lose." He gave the other's alarmingly warm cheek a peck. "I can't… I can't lose you, not when we've barely had any time together. And most of that time's been wasted on fighting each other or something else. We... We need more time. I need more time, with you." He rubbed the back of Magnus' hand with his thumb while the lump in his throat grew. "Please don't give up on me."

When that plea didn't have any visible impact Alec carried on tirelessly. He talked, quite possibly more than he'd uttered in his whole life up until that day. Anything and everything to convince Magnus that there was a good reason to keep fighting, to come back. When he eventually ran out of words he just held on and hoped that their connection was strong enough for Magnus to feel the comfort.

Finally Izzy led Catarina in. The look on the warlock's face wasn't entirely reassuring. "Izzy told me what happened." It was very obvious that she didn't appreciate the course things had taken. But she also knew that now wasn't the time for the 'could've, would've, should've' game. She nodded towards Magnus, her brows furrowed from worry. "When did those convulsions start?"

Alec shook his head. His shoulders slumped under the weight of helplessness. "I'm... not sure. Maybe an hour ago. He hasn't responded to anything since." Treatment, words and touches included. Seeing him so... lifeless was the worst part of it all to the archer.

Catarina's concern grew visibly when she noticed the white strands of hair. By then there were five of them. "Magnus?" After receiving no reaction she outstretched a glowing hand.

Alec leaned forward eagerly. Hoping, against the nagging warnings of a very pessimistic, realistic side of him, that she might be the miracle cure Magnus needed. Without noticing that he was doing so he held his breath while waiting. Steps away Izzy tensed up, also anxious.

Unfortunately Catarina couldn't offer them a miracle. Instead she swore under her breath and stiffened when her magic made no difference. "The wound isn't our biggest problem right now." She swallowed thickly and ran a trembling hand through her hair. It took agonizingly long before she was able to force out the words. "He… lost his magic. Now I know for sure that he lost his immortality as well."

Alec nodded slowly while guilt and mounting dread made him feel sick to his stomach.

Catarina clenched her jaw, unable to look at him, Izzy or her unconscious friend. "He's lived for hundreds of years. Without the help of magic and immortality… All that time is going to catch up with his body."

Alec felt the whole world beginning to crumble around him and his hand tightened desperately around Magnus's. No, no, NO…! He wanted to scream, wanted to rage and rant, but couldn't even breathe.

"Oh god…" Izzy's eyes widened and grew moist while she, too, began to put the pieces together. "Are you saying... that he's…?" She wasn't able to squeeze out the final word.

"Dying? Yes." Catarina sighed heavily, immense grief filling her eyes. "I'm… not sure if something quite like this has ever happened before. I guess usually we might be talking about weeks, maybe even months, before he'd face the full impact. But, combined with a life-threatening injury… I can feel that the process has begun already." She shook her head. By the time she went on her voice was barely audible. "I… I have no idea how much time he has left." But the look on her face gave away that she didn't think it was much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand... now we know exactly how BAD things are. (whimpers) Yeah, just when you imagined that it couldn't get any worse, ta da.
> 
> (The warlock meeting scene became longer than I anticipated. But I decided that Lorenzo and his threat on Magnus needed to be addressed. Just like the fact that it seemed like the warlocks didn't even try to defend Magnus in the series. ALSO, Diah? Keep her in mind.)
> 
> SOOOO... (whistles innocently and dodges thrown objects) Thoughts? Comments? Rants...? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! You have no idea how much joy your comments bring me.
> 
> IN THE NEXT ONE: Catarina's grim news leave the whole group to a state of shock. Alec searches frantically for a way to save Magnus. But in the figurative hourglass the sand is running out faster than anyone expected...
> 
> Until next time! I REALLY hope that I'll see you all there.
> 
> Take care!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catarina's grim news leave the whole group to a state of shock. Alec searches frantically for a way to save Magnus. But in the figurative hourglass the sand is running out faster than anyone expected...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Saturday. Which means... TIME TO UPDATE! We'll see if this new chapter moves things towards the better... or towards much... much worse. (gulps)
> 
> THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for your AMAZING comments, kudoses and bookmarkings! It makes me happier than I can say that you're taking this emotional journey with me and our boys. (HUGS) I REALLY hope that the chapters to come will live up to your expectations.
> 
> SOOOO... Are you ready? I... have no words to brace you for this. Just, a word of warning? If you've needed tissues before this point... Have a couple of those standing by, just in case... (winces)
> 
> I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride! Feels ahoy!

After Catarina's grim assessment the whole group was called to the room. They listened to the nurse's words mutely, trying their best to comprehend although they didn't want to. None of it made sense to them.

Magnus… He was immortal! He just… He couldn't be…! They won…! It couldn't end like this!

Clary burst into tears, and beside her Simon seemed eager to do something similar. Raphael stared, visibly shaken. Jace also stared, sheer horror and crushing guilt on his face. Izzy, who sat beside Magnus holding his hand, bit her lip to keep herself together.

Catarina wiped her eyes. What she was saying finally started to catch up with her as well. "I'm… I wish there was something…"

Everyone jumped when Alec, who'd been pacing like a caged wild animal, suddenly paused and slammed his fist at the wall. The archer then clenched his jaw. "There is something! There has to be! I'm not…!" The young man nearly choked on his words, then pulled a steely expression to his face. "We're not just giving up on him! We're not losing him!"

Izzy shook her head and tightened her hold on the hand in hers. "Alec, calm down. Magnus…"

"… deserves more than us just sitting idly and letting him die!" Alec hissed. "When we… made up I… I told him that I can't live without him. And I meant it! I still mean it!" He breathed hard, defying the ton's weight sitting on his chest. "And I… I let him go to real, actual hell! I let him go to hell to make a deal with Asmodeus, and I didn't really do anything to stop him! Even when I saw how scared he was, even though I realized deep down that he might not make it back!" Unshed tears blurred his eyes. (He wasn't going to cry. Not now. Not yet. Because crying would've meant that he'd given up, and he had no intention to do that.) "That's… That's the worst failure of my whole, miserable life, alright? That's the worst thing I've ever done! And if… If he dies because of that, if I lose him like this… How am I supposed to live with myself?" Blurting out what was in his heart like that was against Alec's nature. But if not when the only person he'd ever fall in love with was fading away… Then when?

Several sets of wide, shocked eyes stared at him. A couple of them in tears. No one was able to say a thing. Alec spun around, marched out of the room and slammed the door.

/

For a few seconds everyone remained frozen by shock. Eventually Jace moved to follow his parabatai. Catarina stopped him with a gentle hand and shook her head. "I know", she assured. "But if you go to him right now, you'll do more harm than good. Let him cool off."

Jace complied reluctantly. He knew that she was right. Which didn't mean that he'd have to like it. Especially when Alec's agony thrummed freely through their bond, with his brother too overwhelmed to restrain it.

"I agree with Alec. If anyone cares." Simon's fairly quiet voice sounded unnaturally loud after the silence that'd lingered for a while. The look in the vampire's eyes begged someone to tell him how to fix things. "We have to do something! We can't just give up."

Catarina sighed heavily. "The only one who can give back Magnus's magic and immortality is Asmodeus. And, if this is what he did to his own son… What odds do you think we'd have to bargain with him successfully? He gets off on the pain and sorrow of others. Confronting him would only make things worse." She clenched her jaw with stubbornness that seemed heartbreakingly familiar. "But I'll do everything I can to keep Magnus hanging on. As long as he's not giving up, neither am I."

/

While everyone else but Alec lingered in the room one person slipped out without anyone noticing. Almost anyone. Stepping to the hallway, Simon looked around until he saw Raphael sitting on a chair. He walked closer with some hesitation. (He remembered unfortunately well how little the older vampire appreciated being approached while he was hurting.) "I'm… glad you came back", he chose to utter as his opening line. "And… I'm sure that Magnus is glad, too."

Those words were meant to be comforting. But hard as he tried, Simon couldn't tell if the other vampire even heard him. Raphael just sat there, the kind of a look on his face he'd never seen before. Or actually, Simon had seen it, once. When he caught the man at his most vulnerable.

Simon shifted with discomfort. Wondering what he should do. "Raphael?"

"He saved my life. When we first met. Since then he's cared for me like I was his son." Raphael's voice was uncharacteristically soft, the words meant more for the man himself than Simon. "Over the years I've lied to him and disappointed him. More times than I can count. But… He's never given up on me."

Simon had to look away. Mainly because his throat was starting to feel constricted. And the last thing he wanted to do was to start bawling when he was supposed to be the strong one. "Sounds like Magnus", he murmured.

Raphael composed himself for a long moment. "I'm trying to remember if I've ever told him that I care about him, too. If I've ever told him how much I appreciate him for teaching me how to live again." The vampire clenched his jaw. "He's… the last one I have left. I can't lose him, too."

The uncharacteristically open admission shocked Simon to a momentary silence. He was about to point out that Raphael had other people, too, but figured that the man wasn't ready to hear it. "If it's any consolation… I may not have known Magnus as long as you have, but… I'm pretty sure that he knows, even if you would've never actually told him." It was impossible to tell if his words were any solace. He scratched his head awkwardly when Raphael didn't react. "We could… you know, go back inside. So you can say… all that."

Raphael tensing up further spoke louder than any words could've.

"Or… we can just… sit here", Simon offered. "Until you're ready."

Yet again Raphael said nothing. But didn't tell him to get lost, either. Simon took that as a permission to stay, so he did. It was a small but much needed relief to be able to do at least something for someone he cared about.

/

While Catarina alternated between using her magic and catching her breath Izzy sat at Magnus's other side. "I… have no right to ask you for anything, after all the trouble I've caused you." Her mind summoned Magnus's fight with Alec about Raphael and her addiction. (To imagine that it might've been the last time the lovers ever spoke to each other…!) She saw the tension that very same disaster caused between the warlock and the vampire for a while. Then there was the body-swap nightmare. Which happened almost solely because she couldn't be bothered to contact her brother before it was too late. (Magnus could've died, executed by someone who was supposed to be an ally...!) Izzy would've been much happier without those memories. She swallowed but the bitter taste in her mouth remained. "But… How about I ask something for someone else?"

Magnus offered no comment and Catarina seemed so concentrated on her efforts to keep their friend with them that she probably didn't hear.

Izzy breathed in sharply. She hated the way her eyes stung. "Keep fighting. For Alec. Because… Remember when I told you that I don't think he'd survive losing you? Do you want to know what I think it'd do to him?" She wasn't able to continue for a while. "I think he'd turn back into that angry, cold shell of a human being he was… before. He'd just... disappear. And…" She shook her head. "I'm not letting you do that to him. Do you understand me? You don't… You don't get to leave, and… take Alec with you." As a contradiction to her seemingly harsh words she brushed his feverish face affectionately. "And… I'd miss you, too. A lot. Life's way more interesting when you're around."

Catarina cracked one eye open. She panted from fatigue. "I couldn't agree more."

They exchanged the kind of a tiny, mirthless smile which revealed that they both knew how the other felt.

/

It became apparent that they were running out of hope when Catarina overused her magic to a point where she nearly collapsed. It was pointless effort, really, because none of it made a difference. It was as though Magnus's whole being rejected the help of magic that wasn't the same he lost. While Izzy escorted Catarina to her room for much needed rest Jace and Clary kept an eye on Magnus. There were a million things the couple would've needed to talk about. At the moment none of those things crossed their minds.

Jace frowned when he caught her wiping her eyes. His protective instincts flared instantly. "Clary?"

Clary gulped laboriously. "I just… I've always tried to see the good in people, and the world. I've tried to believe in justice. But…" She looked at him, her eyes so full of sadness that it tore at his heart. "First you lost yourself... Then I... got lost... And now this...! I... I want to destroy Lilith again." At the last sentence her eyes held such darkness that gave Jace chills. It faded quickly and she trailed off. "And I... I want to help, but I don't know what to do."

Jace opened his mouth. Someone else was faster. "… came back … more than enough, Biscuit."

Clary was startled, then chuckled and almost broke down to tears. She'd been holding Magnus's hand and rubbed the back of it with her thumb encouragingly upon finding the warlock's eyes half open. "I… I ended up to your apartment", she revealed. "It felt like the safest place in the world to return to." She tightened her grasp marginally. "I'm right here, and… You need to keep holding on, too."

Magnus smiled, the best as he could with all the traces of ache and exhaustion on his face. "… long as I can …", he murmured. His eyes roamed around the room sluggishly. "Alec?"

Jace's stomach clenched. This was a second waken moment Alec might miss. His parabatai would never forgive himself if he did. "He… needed to step outside for a moment. I'll go and get him." He was about to leave when weak but determined fingers attempted to grab his wrist.

"… wait …" Magnus swallowed with visible difficulty. Obviously fighting with his all to stay awake and get the words out. "… not your fault … no regrets, doing what I did … you mean the world to Alec …"

Jace shook his head and almost couldn't say what he needed to. "I may be important to him, and he's important to me. But do you have any idea how much he needs you?"

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say, if the agony overtaking Magnus's face was any indication. The warlock struggled to keep talking. "… look after him?"

Jace felt like someone had slashed him with a knife. Because he began to recognize the moment for what it was. And because still, after… everything… Magnus was trusting him with the young man who was his world. "You don't even have to ask."

Magnus nodded and relaxed visibly. Until a frown appeared to the warlock's forehead and a dazed look filled his eyes. "… oh …" It wasn't until the man brushed his own nose gently they noticed the blood. At that exact same moment Magnus's eyes closed and he drifted away. Somehow it felt even more alarming than before.

Clary choked out something like a sob, her hold on Magnus's hand tightening until her knuckles turned white. It was like she'd been trying to keep the man hanging on to life with her sheer willpower. Two of her fingers flew to the unconscious warlock's pulse point before she cried out. "Jace, get… Get Alec, now!"

Jace needed no further instructions. He started running as fast as he could, like a demon was haunting him. (Again.)

Alec was at the Institute's library, surrounded by a baffling amount of books. The archer had never seemed quite as pale, drained and desperate as he did while going through several of them simultaneously. With chills Jace discovered that some of the books were about dark magic.

"If you came here to talk me into giving up, back off."

Alec's voice pulled Jace back from his thoughts. And reminded him mercilessly of what he was supposed to tell. The previous time he felt like he did at that very moment was after he activated the Soul Sword by accident and Alec came looking for Magnus.

Magnus almost died because of him, back then, and now…

"Alec…" His voice sounded just like it did on that other, almost as horrible day. He swallowed thickly when his brother's desperate, suspiciously red eyes rose to meet his. "You… You have to come. Now." He couldn't say Magnus's name.

Alec understood, anyway. The assault of sheer terror, pain and sadness that radiated from the archer struck all air from Jace's lungs. He hadn't recovered from that attack when Alec was already running.

Neither parabatai uttered a word while they sprinted through the seemingly endless hallways. Both knowing all too well that every passing second was one they couldn't afford to waste. Jace almost breathed a sigh of relief when they finally reached Alec's room. He would've, if he hadn't known better.

The way Alec froze by the room's doorway and the look overtaking his face would've proven Jace's pessimism warranted clearly enough, even if their bond hadn't.

Jace approached slowly and reluctantly. After a few steps he could hear sobs. Then Clary's half-whispered pleas. "No, no…! Don't…! Magnus, please…!" She trailed off and her cries became louder. When the blond reached the doorway, he understood why.

On the bed Magnus managed to fight in just one more breath. Then stilled, completely and utterly. Life left the warlock in a quiet sigh.

Alec clearly refused to believe as much. His brother barged into the room. Clary wiped her eyes and left the bed to give him space, her feet unsteady. Barely even noticing her, Alec sat beside Magnus and caressed his boyfriend's face with a tender hand. Silent tears crawled down the young Shadowhunter's cheeks.

"Magnus, please…!" Never before had there been such despair in Alec's voice. "I'll… I'll find a way to fix everything. To save you. I promise. Just… Just don't go."

Jace pulled Clary to a tight, tender hug when she burst into fresh tears. He wanted to cry, too. But the shockwave of Alec's pain overwhelmed him.

Jace would've looked away if he was able to move enough for that when Alec leaned down and kissed Magnus's lips. The archer's next words barely carried to his ears. (Not that they would've been meant for his ears, anyway.) "Magnus, I love you. And I'm sorry. Please…!"

But it was too late for prayers. Jace's eyes widened as much as Alec's when without any warning Magnus's whole body began to crumble to dust. Alec's both trembling hands fumbled frantically, trying to keep all those tiny pieces together. Anxious to keep the love of his life from fading away. But in the end all that remained was dust, clothes and rings that shimmered radiantly in the room's light.

Jace dreaded a wave of anguish and grief. He wasn't prepared for the horribly cold, merciless hit of hollowness. There was no way he could've braced himself for feeling a piece of his parabatai die.

After that the pain finally came, while Alec unleashed a howl of complete, utter agony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Oh dear... (gulps, and whimpers) Was that the meanest thing I've EVER typed? Possibly...
> 
> I almost dread to ask, but... Thoughts? Comments? PLEASE, feel free to let it all out! I can take it. (I think...) And hearing from you ALWAYS makes my day!
> 
> IN THE NEXT ONE: When all hope is lost a grieving Alec gets an offer from someone he absolutely shouldn't trust.
> 
> Until next time! I REALLY hope that I'll see you there. (Remember that you can't kill the author if you want a next time...!)
> 
> Take care!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When all hope is lost a grieving Alec gets an offer from someone he absolutely shouldn't trust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... Have you all recovered from the previous chapter? It was brutal, I'll give you that. (winces) We'll see what this one brings... (gulps)
> 
> THANK YOU, a million times, for the AMAZING comments and all your love for this story! You have no idea how much they mean to me. (HUUUUUGS)
> 
> Okay... Are you ready? Because here we go. Brace yourselves! I really hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

Simon and Raphael had decided to take a walk around the Institute. Well, as much as two vampires could roam around a place like that, with countless of Shadowhunters watching them suspiciously. Neither of them could stand just sitting down and waiting. Simon was about to suggest going to the library, because he was almost sure that Alec was there doing research and could probably use some help.

Then he saw Izzy, who was returning from one of the training rooms where she'd been blowing off steam, and all words froze to his throat.

Izzy was inspecting her phone. She stared at the screen for a few seconds, as though not quite comprehending what she was seeing. Then brought a hand to her lips while tears that wouldn't fall filled her eyes.

Raphael tensed up beside him. Simon licked his lips, a nervous habit he'd imagined was in the past. "Izzy? What's wrong?" Aside the obvious…

Izzy didn't say a word, couldn't trust her voice. Instead she turned her phone so that they could see the words on the screen. Finally the first tear fell. The message was from Jace.

'We lost Magnus.'

Raphael stormed off. Simon barely noticed, couldn't really focus on anything. Slowly, feeling like they both needed it but unsure how the gesture would be received, he wrapped his arms around Izzy. She clung to him surprisingly tightly and buried her face in his shoulder.

Out of nowhere a memory floated to Simon's mind, which was still struggling to take in the horrible news.

/ "… that if I ever found someone in a… similar situation, I'd try to make sure that they didn't have to go at it alone."

"So you're gonna be, like, my Downworld sponsor? Cool!" /

Magnus was there for him, for all of them, whenever they needed him. How many others did he help over the centuries? How many more would the warlock have helped, if…? A wave of grief washed through Simon.

Suddenly the world felt colder, darker and scarier.

/

Nothing in the world made sense to Alec.

The dust on the bed he still sat on… The familiar clothes and jewelry that had no flesh to fill them anymore… The drops of moisture splashing on it all, making the mess even worse…

Alec reached out an unsteady hand and took a necklace. He squeezed his fingers around it hard enough to make it hurt. And remembered, to every single detail, how that very item brushed his bare chest at the beginning of their first time together.

/ "You're beautiful." /

The memory stung so badly that Alec's hold on the necklace broke. His hand was slow and tender, almost cautious, when he ran his fingers down the coat. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't look away from the dried blood staining it.

/ "… make it back …"

" … look what I have waiting for me … " /

If he'd known that it was their last kiss… Their last embrace… If he knew that the next time they saw each other would be the last time he'd get to hear Magnus's voice…

/ "… love you …" /

Alec continued to caress his boyfriend's clothes. As though it would've been enough to bring the warlock back. He froze when his fingers felt something in one of the pockets. His hand was trembling even worse than before when he pulled out a silly but precious gift he knew better than well.

/ "I got you something."

"Me?"

"Yes, you." /

It was supposed to be the first of a million gifts. And Magnus always carried it with him, carried a piece of Alec along, more for comfort than luck and protection. (A hundreds of years old warlock was beyond believing in superstitions. But he believed in the affection the item represented.) Until…

Alec stared at the present helplessly. Not quite able to comprehend why his eyes were blurry. Something… Something was missing…

Alec had always imagined that the parabatai bond was the only kind through which two people can feel each other physically. But in that very moment… He felt Magnus's absence. There was something missing from the world, from inside him.

Alec was numb when Jace and Clary, and soon Izzy as well, lay a comforting hand on him. He was oblivious to the friends and family gathering around him. His barely seeing eyes remained on the gift still held tenderly on his hand while silent tears rolled down his cheeks. When the reality turned out to be far too painful denial won. "Where did he go?" he asked in a feeble, quiet voice, his throat still hoarse from the screaming he did earlier. He wasn't sure who he was asking. The people around him, the Angel? Did it matter?

Magnus was immortal – he wasn't supposed to be the one leaving Alec behind, he couldn't be d…! NO…! Alec turned his head, momentarily surprised by how many people surrounded him. No one answered him, and anger wrestled with sheer terror, agony and confusion. "Where's Magnus? Stop staring and tell me!"

Aside his continued demands and pleas, and occasional sobs from others, silence filled the room.

/

It took a considerable amount of effort to tear Alec away from what little was left of Magnus. The remaining gang escorted the grieving archer to Izzy's room, because his bed was… Well, it couldn't be used for resting. By the time they completed the journey Alec was practically unresponsive. He didn't react to the questions and condolences whispered to him, or to anyone's touch. When he reached the bed he lay down and curled up with his back to the rest of them. It was a crystal clear 'GET OUT', so they elected to give him a moment of peace.

Outside the closed door Clary sniffled. "Is it… okay to leave him alone? I mean…" She trailed off.

Catarina sighed exhaustedly and wiped her eyes. "He isn't alone", the warlock pointed out gently. "And we'll make sure that he knows as much." It was then the rest of them saw and understood her grief. Magnus had been her friend for longer than they could imagine. To have him… gone…

Before they could offer a word of comfort a very young Shadowhunter, the name of whom no one could remember on such a rotten day, rushed to them. He stammered with pale face and wide eyes. "The… The High Warlock of Brooklyn is here. Says… Says that he's come for Magnus Bane…"

Catarina's eyes narrowed. Sorrow transformed to such wrath she rarely displayed. "Tell Lorenzo two things. He isn't the High Warlock anymore. And it's too late to come for Magnus, because he died two hours ago."

"What?" The unfamiliar voice had them all on guard. Including Catarina, for those few seconds it took her to recognize the woman who stood by her against Lorenzo during the recent warlock meeting. "He's… gone?"

Catarina's lifted hand was the only thing keeping an attack from being launched at the stranger. (At that point the Shadowhunter boy who delivered the unpleasant news hurried away, obviously not wanting to witness whatever might follow.) "Diah… I'm so sorry."

Diah shook her head fiercely. "I'm not interested in condolences." She gritted her teeth. "I… hoped that it wouldn't come to this. But now that it has…" A sharp pair of eyes glanced subtly towards a security camera directed at them. "Let's go and talk somewhere private."

/

Alec slept. He had no idea how long. Nor did he mind. Dreams were far better than the reality. In his dreams he still had Magnus in his arms. In his dreams his world hadn't turned to dust, literally.

He woke up to the unsettling feeling that he had company. Tense and on full alert, he opened his eyes. To find a woman he'd never seen before. Yet in some odd way she looked so familiar that it confused him.

"I mean no harm", she announced instantly, clearly annoyed. Which was when he became aware of the blade he'd instinctively brought against her throat. "If I wanted to kill you, I would've done it while you were asleep."

That… actually made sense. Still not quite able to relax, especially after such an emotional day, Alec frowned. He sat up to feel less vulnerable. "Who are you?"

"I'm Diah." She guided his hand and the weapon down from her throat. "Are you lucid enough to remember that Magnus is dead?" she demanded before he got the chance to ask anything further. She continued at his terse nod. "Good. It means that my spell worked. I'm sorry about using one without your consent, but I want to ask you for a big favor and I need you thinking straight."

/ "... our fights ... can't think straight ..." /

Alec shuddered and his eyes flashed a threat. "Whatever it is that you came here for... Not today", he hissed. "I'm not interested."

"Oh, but I think you will be. Because I want the same thing you do." Her eyes transformed to cat eyes. "To save my brother." Seeing his stun, she explained further, her tone impatient. "Asmodeus is my father, too. As the demon of Lust he's sired many warlocks. I decided that it was time to come and see Magnus's home city when I heard about Lorenzo and Lilith." She clenched her jaw. "My original plan was to help him without him ever knowing I was here. But instead it looks like I'll be trying to reverse that loyal idiot getting himself killed."

Alec didn't care about her heritage. Or how great of a favor she was actually after. Usually such reckless lack of concern would've alarmed him. But if there was any hope, at all… He swallowed, defying how dry his throat was. "Are you saying… that there's a way?"

She nodded. "I told your siblings and friends about it. They… didn't like it, and honestly… Neither do I." She gave him a moment to digest her words before continuing. "We absolutely can't go to Asmodeus, because whatever deal we'd reach with him would only make things a million times worse. Trust me, I know all too well. Going to him was Magnus's worst mistake." (Alec tried and failed to not feel a violent stab of guilt.) "And if we'd use dark magic to bring him back… He wouldn't come back as himself. But there's another way. A forbidden way. A spell can take us back in time to change things." She frowned and studied him carefully, seeing his fast rising fool's hope. "Alec, you need to understand that this can go horribly wrong. Time traveling is always highly risky. There's a chance that we'll cause more harm than good. If we lose our way before making it to the past you may end up lost into a limbo or worse for all eternity. And if the Clave finds out you'll be deruned, because this spell was strictly banned centuries ago. Those few who still know about its existence once swore on their lives to keep it hidden for all eternity."

Alec's eyebrow arched. Even though he already knew exactly how he'd answer. "Then how did you get your hands on it?"

Diah's eyes flashed in a way he recognized far too well. "You'd be surprised by what can be found when one's desperate and determined enough. And I'm far more like Asmodeus than I'd care to admit." She clenched her jaw. "I'd much rather not have you involved. If we succeed Magnus will never forgive me for risking you this way. But I need you to find the right moment in time. Also, this spell is taxing, and I need…"

Alec interrupted her by offering his hands. His eyes were hard as steel, those of a soldier fully ready for a battle. "Take whatever you need." He lifted his chin. "I don't care what happens to me. I don't care how dangerous it is. If… If this is the only way to get Magnus back… Then I'll do anything."

For a moment the warlock seemed surprised. Then grinned. "I can definitely understand what Magnus sees in you."

/

At the same time the rest of the gang began to wake up. Clary frowned, rubbing her eyes. "What…"?

"A spell", Catarina murmured. She seemed more alert, but only marginally. "Diah must've put us to sleep."

They were all confused. Until Jace's eyes flashed in alarm. "Alec…!" With that the blond dashed to motion, despite being slightly unsteady on his feet.

/

Shortly before starting the spell Diah sighed. "I wish that I could help you when we make it to the moment you chose. But Magnus would stop listening to you the second he'd see me and we'd fail." She went on upon receiving a confused frown. "We children of Asmodeus don't usually get along or trust each other. Well, the few of us who are still alive. I've… also done some things he doesn't approve of. Including this." She clenched her jaw. "Believe me, you don't want me to clarify. And we're running out of time. Your siblings and friends will be here to stop us any second now. Also, I'm... not exactly approved of by the Clave."

"Let's just get started. I'll be fine." Alec hoped dearly that he was right.

Diah's hands tightened around both of Alec's while her unglamoured eyes locked with his. (For a few precious seconds he was able to trick himself into believing that he was looking at Magnus. Especially after he felt her rings.) "It will hurt. A lot", she cautioned him. "This is a risky, horribly stupid plan. And even with shared strength we can only do this once. I need you to know and understand all that before we go."

"I'm not backing down", Alec announced gruffly, stubbornly. He lifted his chin, reliving a thousand moments in a flash. Starting from when he and Magnus first met.

/ "Who are you?" /

/ "I can't breathe." /

/ "You've unlocked something in me." /

/ "Magnus, I love you." /

/ "I hear that relationships… They take effort."

"I'm all for effort." /

/ "I don't even want to think about you being gone!" /

/ "I don't think I can live without you." /

/ "You can't get rid of me that easily." /

/ "You and me… We always seem to find our way back to each other." /

Why would he change his mind? Magnus went to hell for him, died for him. And he was more than willing to do the same.

Diah closed her eyes before starting to chant, and soon they began to fade out.

/

Jace ran as quickly as his speed rune allowed. But even then he was too late. When he threw the door of Izzy's room open Diah finished the spell. Alec was already flickering transparent when his brother turned his head towards him. "I'm sorry. But… I have to. For Magnus."

"Alec, don't…!" Jace shouted and reached out a hand, but could do nothing else.

Because suddenly Alec screamed from pain, and then he was gone with the female warlock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear... Bring him back, Alec! And travel safely! (whimpers) We'll see if Diah can be trusted at all...
> 
> SO... Thoughts? Comments? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! Every comment makes my heart sing.
> 
> IN THE NEXT ONE: Will Alec make it to the past safely? And if he does, will he succeed in changing anything - for better or for worse...?
> 
> Until next time! I really hope that I'll see you all there.
> 
> ps: 3X11? Pure... freaking... gold! (insert starry eyes) Although my heart is breaking for Magnus.
> 
> Take care!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Alec make it to the past safely? And if he does... Is it possible to change things? Fate proves to be a fickle thing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right. It's Saturday, so it's time to update. 
> 
> THANK YOU, so much, for your comments and support! I'm relieved to know that the plot-twists thus far haven't made me lose ALL of you. (chuckles nervously) (then hugs) Hopefully you'll hang in there for a few more chapters!
> 
> Awkay. Because I know what you came here for after the cliffie... Let's go! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

Going back in time… It hurt more than Alec had expected, even after the warnings. He felt his very self being torn apart, every molecule in his body being relocated.

But it still hurt far less than Magnus turning to dust in his arms, and that thought kept his spinning, faltering and screaming mind grounded. Even when it came dangerously close to being shattered, several times over. Even when he was absolutely certain that he wouldn't make it. Every time he threatened to get lost, to lose grip on who and what he was, his mind screamed.

YOU HAVE TO SAVE MAGNUS.

'Focus', Diah's voice echoed in his head. 'Find a memory you can use as an anchor, for both our sakes. If you don't focus your mind on a destination soon, we'll be left into the limbo forever and vanish. Do you understand?'

In the end Alec was pulled by one particular moment. The same which set the whole horror story to motion. It was a memory he wanted desperately to remake.

Alec experienced a sudden, violent stab of pain, almost right where his heart was. He wondered if it was what dying felt like. Instead his soul landed to his body at the correct second in time and Diah's presence faded. Still achy and incredibly dizzy, he gasped, as though he'd been holding his breath for a very long time. It was an exhale of pain, relief and disbelief.

Because he heard a voice he'd imagined lost forever. And the words he'd never wanted to hear again. "… me Jace isn't worth it."

The whole room spun in front of Alec and he had to blink twice when his vision grew blurry. Magnus was right in front of him, alive and whole. His magic and immortality intact. The force of that baffling realization, the joy and love that filled Alec… They made his knees grow weak.

The forbidden spell worked…!

Magnus noticed his sharp intake of breath. But of course the warlock couldn't even imagine what caused it, what just happened. The look of hurt, dejection and acceptance that appeared to those eyes when his silence was taken as an answer… It'd torment Alec until his dying day. "Let's get this over with."

Second chances are precious, and Alec already received one after Valentine's death. But to actually get to completely redo a moment of regret… Now that was a gift almost unheard of. And the archer had no intention to waste his.

With the speed and force of despair Alec grabbed Magnus's wrist, then threw his arms around his boyfriend. So overwhelmed that he barely understood what he was doing he buried his face in the other's shoulder and breathed the familiar scent. When he began to truly believe that it was all real his hands fisted around Magnus's clothes, hanging on for dear life. He wasn't aware of the tears sliding down his cheeks while his whole body shook under a hurricane of emotions he couldn't handle.

"Alec?" Magnus sounded worried, perhaps even startled. "What…?"

"I… I want Jace back. I need him back. But not… Not like this." Alec had to pause because he still had difficulties with breathing properly. "Asmodeus… We both know that… that he'd ask for too much. And I can't, I won't…" He shook his head fiercely and tightened his hold, the feel of the body in his arms fading away still too fresh in memory. "I'm not letting you go to hell. For Jace, for me, for anyone. We'll… We'll figure out another way. I'm not…!" He trailed off when the pain got too much. I'm not losing you again! I won't, I can't.

Magnus was still and quiet for entirely too long. Then, slowly and almost shyly, the warlock's arms tightened around him. "Are you sure?"

Alec nodded fervently. Because he'd never been surer of anything in his whole life. "Don't leave", he pleaded, like he'd never begged before.

Magnus leaned against him while they both held on tight. One entirely too aware of how much was at stake, the other utterly confused but unable to say 'no' to his distressed beloved. "In that case… I'm not going anywhere."

A gentle hand touched Alec's cheek, wiping away the tears he hadn't noticed. Then a pair of tender lips pressed against his, prompting him to a sweet and delicate, achingly innocent kiss. It was incredibly different from the one of goodbye they shared in the original reality. Enough so to make the archer's heart soar from desperate hope. This time there was no heat of hellfire haunting and taunting them.

Everything was going to go differently this time around, Alec would make sure of it.

The hope and determination were enough to make Alec kiss Magnus again, now that he had that chance once more. His heart rejoiced and hammered in his chest. "I love you", he breathed against his boyfriend's lips when they broke apart.

It felt almost better than anything else to have the mental image of Magnus screaming from agony on the way to Edom be replaced by a loving smile. "I love you, too." The smile dimmed far too soon. "We'll get Jace back. Whatever it takes."

Before Alec got the chance to reply his phone started ringing as the battle came calling once more. His heart jumped painfully while they glanced towards the item, then met each other's eyes. The Shadowhunter's stomach clenched when he realized that there was more to lose than ever before. A talk they had what felt like ages ago came back to him.

/ "What scares you?"

"The key to having no fear? Having nothing to lose." /

Alec had never understood better.

/

While Lilith's threat was at its greatest and several people braced themselves to risk their lives Lorenzo Rey wasn't thinking about the warlocks under his lead and protection. He was locked up in his home, nursing the minor injuries his… encounter with Magnus left him with. "I'll make Bane pay for this", he hissed at himself.

"For what, exactly? Giving you a slap on the wrist for being a terrible leader? You know how much stronger than yours his magic is. If he had less control over himself you would've ended up far worse. Consider yourself luckier than you deserve to be." The woman's voice he'd never heard before was smoother than silk but still brought chills of dread down his spine. "The warlocks here deserve someone who does what they can to protect them. Name even one occasion when you would've done something for them, not for yourself."

Instead of trying to think of an answer Lorenzo spun around. He frowned at the petite woman who stood right behind him. How did she get so close without him noticing? "What do you want?" he snapped, his recent encounter with Magnus still keeping his nerves on the edge.

She smiled sweetly. "I want you to disappear." He moved to attack her but she was faster and froze him with a snap of fingers. "Don't look so scared, darling. I'm not interested in taking your life."

Almost black magic circled around him, moving as though it was dancing. He felt a rough tug. Then something vanished. His heart thudded when he realized that he couldn't feel his powers anymore.

"Since you fail to use your magic for anyone's gain, why should you deserve it?" Her eyes flashed. "It's still inside you, locked up so tightly that you'll never be able to access it again. So close that you can feel it, but just out of your reach."

Lorenzo growled. Loudly. Hard as he tried, he couldn't fight the hold she had on him. "Why are you doing this?" he hissed.

She revealed her cat eyes. "You should've known better than to mess with a child of Asmodeus. Even Lilith knew better." Her magic seemed to pulsate. "Not that you'd remember that lesson soon enough."

She snapped her fingers again. The next thing Lorenzo knew, he was at a luxurious mansion in Spain. With no idea of who and what he was.

Diah made her way to Edom once more. Returned to her father's house. "There you are! After all these centuries... I'd given up on hope that you'd come. Until I felt you using my... gift for accepting the offer." Asmodeus sounded amused. "I trust you had fun on your last moments up there?" 

Diah lifted her chin. There was no showing weakness in front of her father. "Yes. I finally found good use for it." Now she had a new reason to avoid Magnus. Well, it wasn't like she was ever going topside again… "Then I indulged myself a little." Getting the chance to erase the threat of Lorenzo was an unexpected treat.

Asmodeus arched an eyebrow. "One day you will tell me the whole story. But now… Let's celebrate your new position. I'm pleased to discover that I have one offspring who doesn't disappoint me." His cat eyes glowed. "With some… advice you'll do well at ruling Edom beside me."

/

It was a little startling how similarly great many things happened and the almost constant feeling of déjà vu was quite honestly distracting. The gang's plan of action remained much the same. Only this time Alec and Magnus faced the start of the whole thing side by side instead of worlds apart. The archer told himself that it made all the difference in the world.

Magnus was still right beside Alec when the time to face the Owl came. Every single muscle in the Shadowhunter's body tensed up while the mental image of an arrow sticking from his boyfriend filled his head. "Clary's there, in that building with Lilith", he blurted out. "And… You need to go and save her." True, he wanted to help Clary. But more than anything he wanted to keep Magnus as far away from the monster in his parabatai's body and his own arrows as possible. Even if sending the warlock to Lilith instead didn't sound like any better of an option.

Magnus's eyes filled with confusion and disbelief. The man frowned. "What are you talking about? I'm not leaving you!"

You may leave me permanently if you stay!, Alec wanted to scream. "Trust me", he begged instead. Knowing full well that it was an unfair hand to play. "I'll be fine." If he was wrong, he could only hope that Magnus would forgive him. "Right now Clary needs you more."

Magnus was very obviously reluctant. But also unable to smother the physical desire to help someone who needed him. "I'll come back as soon as I can", the warlock promised. Something almost desperate in his dark eyes. "Be careful."

Alec nodded stiffly. It took all the willpower he had to not kiss, to not even squeeze his boyfriend's hand. Either gesture would've felt too much like the goodbye he had no intention of saying anytime soon. "You too", he returned breathlessly.

Magnus's lips met his so suddenly and chastely that Alec didn't quite realize what was happening before the kiss was already over. The taste of Magnus's lips still lingered on Alec's tongue when a portal had taken the man away, leaving him alone. The sudden loss hit him hard.

Alec didn't get the chance to lament for long. Because just then a voice that sounded wrong and familiar all at once spoke. "You sent the warlock away to face me alone? Bold move. We'll see if it's your last."

Just like the previous time Alec fought with absolutely all his might. But exactly like then the skills of Jace's body and the Owl's lust for blood were too much. He howled, more out of frustration than anything else, as a bone was broken. When an arrow was raised against him in an eerily familiar way his heart began to crack and thunder simultaneously.

Magnus, please don't come and save me this time!

He closed his eyes while his mind continued to plead.

Stay away. Stay safe. Stay alive.

Right there, unable to do anything to break free from the crushing hold of his brother, Alec was more than willing to take the arrow through his heart.

Let me do this for you.

/

Clary's heart beat entirely too quickly. Her eyes were wide while she calculated her options. Tried to figure out if she had any way to escape. Until all of a sudden there was a familiar noise behind her. An equally familiar, safe arm pulled her backwards. "It's okay, Biscuit. I've got you." And then, before anyone in the room realized what was happening from all other chaos, they'd left.

Next thing she knew, she was in the middle of Magnus's living room. Safe and sound. Yet for some reason dread swell in the pit of her stomach.

"Magnus?" She turned around when there was no reply. The man who saved her was nowhere in sight. "Magnus?" she tried again.

/

Magnus couldn't possibly hear Alec's mental pleas, of course. And wouldn't have listened even if he did. The arrow lingered a breath from Alec's chest but it was the unmistakable sound of a portal that made his blood run cold. Sheer terror went through all of him like wildfire. "Magnus, don't…!" He didn't get the chance to finish.

The Owl growled and slammed him against the wall. He hit his head hard enough to see stars. Jace's voice came to him as though through a tunnel. "Shut up and stop squirming!"

Suddenly Alec fell, his head spinning and black spots dancing in his line of vision. Through a disconcerting amount of fog he saw the Owl flying backwards and away from him, grabbed by Magnus's magic. Shouts echoed painfully. Magic sparked, so brightly that Alec had to close his eyes.

He might've blacked out for a moment or two. Such he'd regret for the rest of his life. Because they proved to be a grave distraction.

"ALEC!"

Alec jolted back to full consciousness as quickly as his head allowed. Magnus's voice was more than enough inspiration. He wasn't fast enough.

By then Magnus stood with his back towards him, in a stance that was clearly meant to shield him. Blue magic held the Owl still, with enough force to make the monster writhe and groan. If it was just any enemy Alec was almost certain that Magnus would've struck back mercilessly. But this was Jace's body, and there wasn't a scratch on it. Both fighters seemed painfully tense while they panted.

For a small moment of fool's hope Alec almost dared to sigh in relief. Imagining that it was all over. Until his chest tightened when he realized that he'd missed a few vital details.

The Owl chuckled a horrible mockery of Jace's laughter. "Look at you. How long do you imagine that you can hold on?"

"As long as I have to", Magnus hissed back. "For Jace… And Alec… I could do this all day." He clearly meant it. But there was a horrible, disconcerting edge of weakness to the tone. And the magic's glow was growing dimmer.

The Owl smirked. Those twinkling eyes were entirely too triumphant. "I suppose we'll see if that's true soon enough."

Alec's horrified eyes watched how fat and heavy droplets of blood hit the ground. He tried to scramble to his feet but stumbled back down when the whole world spun violently. It took his all to hold back a scream of frustration.

The Owl was able to move enough to tilt Jace's head. The fingers squeezing what Alec knew sickeningly well to be his arrow tightened. "When you almost succeeded in breaking the boy free from the spell… You offered to give your life in exchange for the safety of two Shadowhunters."

Alec felt a sharp stab of horror. Back then the frustrated fury over letting Jace down clouded his mind. But now, looking back…

He remembered how hoarse Magnus sounded afterwards. He realized that his boyfriend had to face Lilith all alone, because he and Izzy were too damned slow, wasted too much time. It struck him that Magnus could've died for them. It was a miracle that the warlock made it through the encounter alive.

Or perhaps not a miracle, after all. "Your... generous offer wasn't accepted due to the fear your father evokes." Jace's eyes flashed in a way Alec had never seen before, and it chilled him. "But I'm not afraid of Asmodeus."

What came next happened in roughly five seconds. Entirely too quickly for Alec to have any actual time to react. Yet as though in slowed motion.

The Owl forced Jace's hand. It plunged the arrow deeper into Magnus's chest. The warlock gasped and shuddered. Shortly after the magic that'd been pulsating like a heartbeat stuttered before fading out. Magnus managed to hold on until the exact second when clarity returned to Jace's eyes. Then let go with a quiet sigh.

Just as Alec succeeded in dashing to motion Magnus slumped limply, all fight leaving him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Yeah... I'll just, you know... Go hide. (grimaces) The poor dears! The things they do for love... (whimpers)
> 
> NOW, the word's yours. Was that ANY good, at all? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! It'd mean A LOT to me, especially after the... long week I've had. (groans)
> 
> IN THE NEXT ONE: Will all attempts to change fate prove futile? Will Alec end up losing Magnus all over again? In the middle of the emotional turmoil Alec gets a shocking surprise that spins his whole life around.
> 
> Until next time! I really, REALLY hope that you'll all join in for that one.
> 
> Take care!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will all attempts to change fate prove futile? Will Alec end up losing Magnus all over again? In the middle of the emotional turmoil Alec gets a shocking surprise that spins his whole life around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! (grins) You guys showered me with a BAFFLING amount of amazing comments. SO, I decided to be kind to you in return and update a day earlier than usual. Yay...?
> 
> THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for all the comments, love and affection you've given this story! (HUGS) We're ALMOST at the end, now. I REALLY hope that you'll all stay with me until the finish line!
> 
> Awkay... For better, or for worse... Let's see how this story continues...!

The whole world spun horribly in front of Alec's eyes while he stared at Magnus bleeding on the ground. At the arrow sticking from the warlock's chest. The archer didn't even notice the tears that filled his eyes while all air was slammed from his lungs.

_No, no…! Angel, please…! Not again…!_

Alec didn't register that he'd started to move until he was already kneeling to his boyfriend's side. While his visibly horrified parabatai did what little he could to help Magnus whispered scarcely audibly. "… got Clary out … safe, in my apart…" Jace was forced to press harder against the wound and the warlock groaned, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. "Ah…!"

Alec placed his hand on Magnus's cheek, anxious to keep the man he loved hanging on. "Magnus, hey…!" He tried to smile when his boyfriend's eyes flickered partially open with immense difficulty. He had a feeling that whatever appeared to his face was closer to a grimace of agony. "Hey…! There you are." He loathed how close to tears he sounded and felt. "You'll… You'll be okay. Just stay with me."

The look he received, right there… Alec couldn't believe that there was ever a time when he wondered how much he meant to Magnus. The man wheezed and tried to touch him but lacked the strength. "… sorry … couldn't resist… a dramatic entrance…"

Alec shook his head. One stubborn tear slipped to his cheek, despite his best efforts. "Don't joke", he commanded hoarsely. He couldn't stand Magnus trying to make him feel better when… When… "Just… Just stay awake." When the warlock attempted to lift his hand again and failed the archer took it to his calloused one. He held it with gentleness he would've once never believed himself able to display. "Stay with me." The words left his mouth like a prayer.

Magnus nodded the best as he could and seemed to work his hardest to comply. Far too stubborn to give up. Just like the previous time the Shadowhunter experienced this, the older man's eyes then strayed from Alec's face to his broken arm. The hand in the Shadowhunter's loving hold twitched.

Alec shook his head. At his boyfriend's planned gesture. At the memories and feelings it provoked. He couldn't go through this again…! "Don't worry about it", he ordered. "I barely even feel it." How was he supposed to worry about a broken bone when it hurt so much worse elsewhere? "You can heal it later. When you feel better." The words sounded ridiculous to his own ears. But perhaps they'd do Magnus some good, remind the warlock that there was a reason to keep holding on.

Yet Magnus's eyes kept slipping closed. Each time it seemed to take greater effort to get them open. It was physically painful to listen to those struggling, wheezing breaths. "… later …", Magnus murmured and tried the squeeze Alec's hand more firmly.

"Yeah", Alec confirmed. He sniffled and felt a few more tears he would've wiped away if his one usable hand wasn't occupied by something far more important. "I… I plan to spend the rest of my life with you, if you'll have me." He shook his head yet again. "So I'm not… I'm not losing you. Got that?"

Did he say the wrong thing? Because judging by the look on Magnus's face those words hurt rather than helped. Maybe the agony was caused by the wound. "… forever with you … sounds nice …"

Jace shifted and shuddered, blinking rapidly. Alec had an uncomfortable feeling that his parabatai received far too many of his flaring emotions through their bond. The archer was nowhere near coherent enough to hold back anything, like he usually did. It didn't help that blood already soaked the blonde's hands.

Alec swallowed hard against tears, pain and nausea. "I don't… Magnus, you shouldn't have done this for me…!"

Magnus's fingers twitched around his. "… not a single regret …" The warlock's glamour fell, there. A pair of cat eyes the color of the most beautiful gold looked up at him with so much adoration that the young Shadowhunter wanted to whimper. "… love you …"

Alec's heart was torn viciously by those words. In the original timeline they were the last ones he got to hear from Magnus. "I love you, too", he hurried to return. Because the previous time he didn't get the chance to say it. He sniffled, then pulled himself together. "Now stop making it sound like you're saying goodbye to me."

Sadness appeared to Magnus's gaze. The exhaustion clearly grew stronger. The golden eyes blinked slowly and sluggishly. It looked horribly lot like the man was drifting away.

"Hey." Alec nudged the best as he could. "Are you still with me?"

Magnus nodded feebly. "Hmm… Doesn't hurt anymore." The words were murmured so quietly that they were barely even a whisper. "… just cold …" His boyfriend attempted to sit up, clearly too out of it to remember the arrow, but didn't have even tenth of the strength he would've needed. Something like a plea appeared to the cat eyes. "Hold me?"

How in the world could Alec have refused, especially when the older man almost never asked for anything? Moving someone with such an injury seemed like a bad idea. But judging by how awful Magnus's breathing sounded, staying down might've made things worse. Alec's broken arm was useless but fortunately Jace came to aid without needing to be asked. Carefully, knowing full well how delicate of a cargo they were handling, they helped Magnus sit up. Then propped him against Alec's chest, to the side of the archer's good arm. The warlock's features tightened for a moment, then relaxed along with the man's whole body.

"… better …", Magnus mumbled, his warm, shallow breath tickling the Shadowhunter's neck while his head rested against the safe shoulder.

Alec wrapped an arm protectively around the man he loved. "Good", he managed with difficulty. "Just… Just rest there for a second. Then we'll get out of here."

"… home?"

Alec nodded and kissed Magnus's head. He would've aimed for lips but didn't want to do anything to obstruct the already labored, wheezing pants. "First the Institute, though." It was surprising how calm he sounded, considering that he felt like his whole world was falling apart. "They… They have to fix you up a little bit. But… Then I'll take you home. I promise."

Alec shuddered and tightened his shielding hold on Magnus when running steps approached them. Adrenaline spiked, leaving him ready to fight and defend. "That was insane! I… I destroyed Lilith!" Simon's excitement was a baffling alteration to the previous time when Alec had to go through almost that exact moment. "Clary… She was there, but… Magnus got her out, like some sup…" The vampire trailed off with a small sound of shock. Finally taking in the sight and the stench of blood.

Izzy practically cried out. A hand flew to her lips. "What… What happened?"

Seeing their reactions made it infuriatingly difficult to hold on to the forced calm. Alec choked a little before he managed to produce audible speech. "We… We have to get him to the Institute. And… We need to call Catarina." That'd be enough this time, right? It had to be…! His readjusted his grip so that he could stroke the warlock's hair. "Magnus? Are you ready to try moving?" He got no answer.

"Magnus?"

/

While Alec looked away Magnus lost consciousness. And no matter what the archer did, he wasn't able to convince his boyfriend to wake up again. It took pretty much all he had to not lash out when Magnus was pried gently from his embrace. Knowing that it was necessary didn't make accepting it any easier.

During the journey towards the Institute Alec sent Catarina a message, because talking wasn't an option. (Memorizing her number turned out to be one of his better ideas.) His panicked words probably made no sense to her. To his immense relief she was quick to announce that she'd meet them as soon as possible. With Magnus fading more with each passing second, that promise was Alec's only comfort.

Especially when they were eventually separated entirely. Magnus needed a lot of care to have any hope of survival. Alec stared with desperate and helpless, moist eyes long after doors closed between them. He felt entirely too much like he did when the elevator doors slid shut after Magnus when they… took a break. (He still refused to call it a breakup. Not that the chosen term would've made any difference anymore.)

Suddenly the others were crowding him. Asking him how he was feeling, how they could help, promising that everything would be okay, that Magnus would be okay. It got overwhelming in a matter of seconds and, far more rudely than his friends and family would've deserved, Alec isolated himself to one of the medical rooms.

There, with his broken arm and breaking heart pulsating in sync from sheer agony, Alec stuffed a fist to his mouth in effort to mute his scream.

He was marginally more composed by the time someone knocked on the room's door. The tension flooding to his muscles didn't ease entirely even when Izzy peered in. "I'm sorry, no news." She did seem apologetic. "I just wanted to check up on you." She gave him a long look and frowned in disapproval. "You didn't call in anyone to check up on you, did you?" He didn't have to answer. She groaned and sighed. "Then I will. Because you being in pain won't do you or Magnus any good." Some sympathy flickered in her eyes. "I'll go and let the medical team know. And then I'll stay right here to make sure that you actually let them help." She glanced towards his shirt and shuddered, her eyes nearly overflowing. (It was then he realized that the garment was covered in Magnus's blood and felt sick.) "You... should throw that away. I'll bring you a fresh one."

While he complied Alec's thoughts were a million miles away. (Or perhaps rather a few rooms away.) Which was why it took him a while to notice when Izzy returned and was immediately staring at his bare chest, wide-eyed. He frowned, suddenly self-conscious. "Izzy? What's… going on?"

Izzy swallowed hard. "I've… heard stories, but… I didn't know that it actually exists…" She nodded.

Even further confused, Alec looked down. Something jolted inside him when he noticed a new rune. Blood-red instead of black. Directly above his currently racing and aching heart.

What was it? Because no matter how hard he cranked his head, he couldn't recognize it. When did it appear, and how did he not notice?

All of a sudden he remembered the stabbing pain in his chest on the way to the past.

"Diah, she must've…" Yes, what, exactly? "What sort of a rune is it?" he inquired. He'd imagined that he had them all memorized.

Izzy didn't seem able to look away from the new mark decorating his skin. "It's a myth, that's what it is. It shouldn't exist, because it shouldn't be possible to create something so powerful." She shook her head to clear it. "There's this story, from centuries ago… I read it when I was… what, seven. You always tell me that I read too much useless stuff. I remember that tale because I thought it was romantic."

Alec groaned and fought the urge to pull his hair. Anxious for her to get to the actual point. "Izzy…!"

His sister didn't seem to hear him. "The story was about a warlock and a Shadowhunter who fell in love." (They both smiled for a second at how familiar that sounded.) "Desperate to not lose their beloved, the warlock made a deal with one of the Greater Demons. Asked for a rune, of all things. The story doesn't say what was promised as a payment. But the price had to be horrible for something Nephilim related. It was assumed that the deal fell through. I guess… everyone thought wrong."

Alec's mouth went dry and he was more than a little dizzy. "Izzy… What sort of a rune are we talking about?" he demanded again.

It took excruciatingly long before his usually chatty sister managed a response. She appeared almost as shocked and scared as he felt. "Immortality."

/

/ _On the way to the past Diah could feel Alec slipping and crackling from the exertion and pressure. She should've known to expect as much. No mortal had even survived such a feat before. It was why taking Alec along had been such a big risk._

_One tricky thing about time traveling? It's taxing. Very, very taxing. Apparently enough so to acquire an immortal soul to make it through without being destroyed._

_Their survival depended on Alec and Diah had no desire to die just yet, despite the fact that she'd lived great many centuries. And she wasn't about to get the love of her brother's life killed. Because she admitted to herself unwillingly that she liked this beautiful boy, despite his family line that brought... unpleasant memories. So she decided to use the gift Asmodeus gave her in exchange of her agreeing to rule Edom with him._

_Yes, she'd definitely avoid Magnus for the rest of her immortal life after this…!_

_While most of her focused on keeping the hazardous, potentially deadly journey going, one part of her worked on something else. Began to draw a rune that wasn't supposed to exist. She placed it right above Alec's heart. Of course it didn't have to go there, but she was in a poetic mood. Diah felt a little guilty when Alec's sudden pain radiated to her. Mostly she was determined._

_By the time the trip to the past was over, she'd left Alec with the greatest gift and curse she'd ever given anyone._ /

/

Alec… couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. His whole body shook while shock set in.

He was… immortal?

After all the times he worried about his own mortality… After reminding Magnus several times – far too many times – that he had a limited amount of years to live… He was…

Alec was furious. And a tiny bit elated. Mostly he was terrified. He had absolutely no idea how to handle… any of this.

He needed Magnus.

_Oh, god…!_ Magnus… How was he going to take the news? Dreaming of an eternity together was very different from actually facing it. What if this was too much, when even moving together had been?

Then the most terrifying thought of all occurred to him. What if Magnus wouldn't make it? What if Alec would face an eternity without him?

Alec wouldn't be able to have a rune like that removed without an interrogation and punishment from the Clave. Which meant that in a hopefully distant future he'd lose so many people he loved. His siblings… His parents… Friends… If those losses started from Magnus…

He already experienced losing Magnus briefly – he couldn't handle even the thought of spending hundreds of years with that pain, with that gaping hole.

"I know you're scared and confused, but…" Izzy squeezed his hand. "We'll figure this out. I don't know how yet, but we will. I'll help you. We all will, if you let us." She did her best to give him a reassuring smile. "Gotta admit that I envy you a bit. You'll never have to deal with wrinkles and creaky bones."

Alec almost managed a shaky smile in return, just for a moment, while pulling on a shirt his sister gave him. "Iz?" He wasn't sure he wanted an answer. Especially right at that extreme moment. But since when had not wanting to know ever stopped him from demanding answers? "That story… How did it end? What happened to the Shadowhunter and the warlock?"

Before he got an answer a young girl from the medical team came in, appearing shy and apologetic. Just like in the original timeline Alec didn't really pay attention to what was done to his arm and head. After that every time steps approached the room his heart took an extra beat and he lifted a pair of hopeful eyes, anxious to see Catarina. It took so long that he could barely stand it before his wish was granted.

Catarina appeared tired, tense and very worried. But she wasn't grieving, and that loosened the knot around Alec's heart marginally. "Magnus isn't out of the woods yet. The arrow… did a lot of damage. Damned nearly nicked his heart. But he's still hanging in there." She shook her head. "Honestly? I'm… not sure how you kept him holding on for long enough to get him here. But I'm glad you were there."

Alec shrugged, his eyes stinging hellishly yet again. (He didn't know that a small smile of pure relief and love appeared through almost spilling tears.) "Magnus is stubborn."

Catarina's eyes softened. "That he is. Especially for you."

The archer shuddered. Oh, did he know – so stubborn that it was a small war to keep the warlock from getting himself killed for Alec…! The thought brought along a surge of panic, and a desperate need to have Magnus in his arms. "Can I… Can we take him home? I…" He felt stupid, but… "I promised him that I'd take him home, before he…" _Before he lost consciousness. Before I thought that I lost him. Again._

Catarina seemed curious. But, bless her soul, didn't ask. "Give me another hour to make sure that he's stable enough. You can come and wait with him if you want to."

Alec didn't need any further beckoning.

While they made their way towards the correct room Catarina gave him a look and frowned. "Alec? Are you okay?"

Alec shook his head, keeping his gaze directed firmly straight ahead. Because no, he wasn't alright. He didn't think he would be okay for a very long time.

/

Alec found himself breathing a little more easily when they were at Magnus's apartment. Something about that place helped soothe and comfort him. Even in the middle of… everything. Even when he was still in a shock from all that had happened. The others seemed to feel the same, because in a matter of hours Magnus's spacious living room became crowded.

On the couch Jace had Clary gathered tightly to his arms and she held back every bit as firmly. Neither was able to imagine putting even an inch of distance between them. Not after how close they came to losing each other. (The others noticed the tear-tracks on both their faces but no one had the heart to point it out, let alone tease them.)

Simon paced, and paced. For the time being walking kept the facts that he had to say goodbye to his family, he almost got Clary killed and they might lose Magnus from sinking in. In the end Izzy brought an end to it by making her way to him and pulling him to a hug. "Stop and shut up", she muttered when he opened his mouth. "We both need this today." Simon heard the tears she couldn't quite hold back. But kept his mouth shut and held on instead of mentioning them.

At some point Raphael knocked on the door, surprising everyone but Simon. The older vampire announced immediately that he wasn't leaving before making sure that Magnus would be alright. Almost any other day Alec might've picked up a fight with him. As it was they both focused on more pressing matters. Raphael stayed, waiting and clearly keeping watch without making a sound.

As the endless day crawled towards its end Luke also appeared, surprisingly followed by Maia. The younger werewolf and Simon exchanged sad, tiny smiles of support and understanding. But kept their distance. That day wasn't the one for dealing with their… unresolved issues. By Luke's side Maryse walked in as well. Her eyes were full of worry, fatigue and sadness while she revealed a massive set of takeaway mugs. "I had a feeling that we all need coffee." She then paid attention to the vampires present and did her best to not seem taken aback. (While she'd overcome great many of her prejudices, some still lingered like ghosts.) "Well… Most of us."

But as many of them as eventually turned up, none of the others set foot to the master bedroom. There Alec was practically glued to Magnus's side while Catarina fought to help his boyfriend. Well, the archer was a permanent fixture on the bed whenever he wasn't kicked out momentarily for being a distraction. (Catarina was endearingly subtle about it. Sometimes she asked for a glass of water. Other times she summoned for ingredients Alec had hard time recognizing and which, curiously, mostly remained unused.)

On one of those forced outings Alec was followed to the kitchen by his mother. Neither of them said anything, didn't have to. When she pulled him to a hug Alec shocked them both by clinging to her with all his might.

Alec had never sought for his mother's comfort, even when he was a child. But after everything he'd just been through… He needed the hug.

_Mom… I traveled back in time and would be deruned or worse if the Clave found out. I just almost lost the only person I'll ever fall in love with, again. I may still lose him, and I can't, not a second time. I could've died, too. Instead I'm immortal. I have no idea how to handle any of it and I'm in pain and scared out of my mind._ Of course he never said any of that. He swallowed thickly. "Magnus, he's… We're out of orange juice", he murmured instead.

"Oh." The soothing hand of a mother rubbed his back, and he found his body melting to it. "So that's what this mess is all about." (Alec had wondered what lured her to the kitchen. At her words he finally became aware of all the items he'd thrown around in frustrated fury.) She gave him a long moment to process everything. "Do you want me to help you clean up?" It was very obvious how eager she was to help him with at least one small thing of all those that were currently wrong in his life.

Alec nodded, because he didn't trust his voice.

By the time Alec returned to the bedroom he felt a little more like himself again. He glanced hopefully towards Magnus. He was dismayed to discover that his boyfriend's condition didn't seem to have changed much since his departure. "Has he woken up?"

Catarina shook her head and accepted the juice he gave her gratefully. She didn't comment on it not being orange flavored. "He's trying, and fighting", she assured gently. "We just need to give him some time." She pushed herself up and stretched. "I think you two could use a minute alone. I'll go and make sure that there won't be a massacre on the other side of the door." She gave his shoulder a tender squeeze on her way out, and it actually made him feel a little better.

Alec didn't move until the door had closed. Cautious and far too aware of Magnus's injury, he crawled to the bed. Once there he wrapped an arm around the man he loved and buried his face in the warlock's shoulder so he could inhale the familiar scent. "It's… It's okay to rest for a while. Just… Don't take too long." _Please, don't slip away from me this time!_ "When you wake up… I'll be right here." _Seems I'll be here for a really… really long time._ "There's a lot I have to tell you. That we need to talk about." Honestly? He had no idea how to get even half of it all out of his mouth. "There's… There's so much, and… I don't want to go through it without you."

Magnus remained heartbreakingly still and quiet, with a frown on his face.

Alec gritted his teeth. "Let's just… take a nap. And then… Then we can wake up together." He tightened his hold on his boyfriend. "Everything's going to be better when we wake up in the morning." He could only hope and pray that he was right when he was finally forced to give in to his exhaustion and fell asleep.

And so the two of them slept, side by side, both trying their hardest to heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite the twist, right? (grins) Now let's just hope that Magnus survives, or poor Alec will be left alone to face this newly obtained immortal life. (whimpers)
> 
> SOOOO... The word's yours! Good? Bad? Lukewarm? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! You saw what happened the previous time you inspired me with a shower of love... (winks)
> 
> Until next time! I REALLY hope that you'll all join in for that one.
> 
> Take care!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec braces himself to face an immortal life. Will it be with Magnus by his side? Years and decades full of joy and sorrow pass by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuuuup. That's right. I'm baaaack, with a new chapter! Hooray...?
> 
> DAAAANG, you guys...! THANK YOU, a million times, for all your AMAZING comments, listings, love and support! Each of them means the world to me. (HUGS)
> 
> CHECK THE ENDING AUTHOR'S NOTE AFTER READING THE CHAPTER FOR AN IMPORTANT QUESTION!
> 
> Okay... Are you ready? Even if you're not... Let's go, anyway! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

Although Catarina must've stopped by numerous times during the night, it was the light of a new morning that awakened Alec. He groaned and scrunched up his nose, unwilling to leave the lovely dream he'd been having. Until the memories came rushing back in a flood. He shuddered, instinctively tightening his hold on the body in his arms.

Magnus was warm. Not from fever. But from life.

Encouraged by that realization, Alec opened his eyes. To find a pair of bleary but familiar dark ones looking back at him. For the longest time they just stared at each other. It felt a lot like waking up from a long, horrible nightmare.

Magnus smiled. As much as anyone who just almost died and was still clearly in pain could. A tender hand reached out and brushed Alec's cheek. Likely to make sure that he was really there. "Morning", Magnus whispered hoarsely. As though it was just any other morning with the two of them waking up together.

Alec couldn't help it. He smiled, too, barely able to believe that what he was seeing was real. His heart was beating so fast that he feared it might burst. "Good morning."

All of a sudden Magnus's smile changed to a frown. "Alexander? What's wrong?"

It was around then Alec realized that tears were gathering to his eyes. Unable to offer a verbal response, he tightened his hold on the warlock instead and buried his face in the older man's shoulder. Much like he did when they found each other after the Soul Sword was activated by accident.

/ _"… we always seem to find our way back to each other …"_ /

He'd never been gladder to be right.

Alec was so emotionally overwhelmed that he forgot about Magnus's injury and didn't realize how tight his hold was until there was a soft groan. Startled, he loosened his grip. "I'm so sorry…!"

Magnus shook his head and refused to let go. "… 's okay." The warlock spent a second or two on catching his breath. "Seems… we'll have to be careful for a couple of days."

Guilt and a wide variety of other things swirling in his mind, Alec squeezed his eyes shut. He did his best to hold it in. But a sob nonetheless broke out.

Immediately a loving hand was caressing his hair. "Shh…" They were pressed together so that they felt each other's breaths. It had a tremendous soothing impact. "It's okay. Everything's alright."

It was infuriatingly hard to believe that, when Alec had been to a world where he saw the worst kind of an ending to… all this. When he'd… "I lost you", he choked out. The awful memory was still more than enough to slam all air from his lungs.

/ _"… made me relive memories I've spent centuries trying to forget …"_ /

Alec now knew what having such a memory felt like.

"What?" Magnus's hold on him tightened. "Alec, you didn't lose me."

Alec had no idea how to start the necessary explanation. How to open the talk they needed to have, as badly as it scared him. It turned out he didn't have to figure it out right at that moment.

Even with Catarina's skilled healing, Magnus was still far from fully recovered. Alec's chaotic trail of thought came to a pause when the warlock fell asleep in his arms. The archer's heart still beat too fast while he kept holding on. He refused to go back to sleep, afraid to wake up and discover that Magnus had faded to dust.

/

It was foolish, Alec knew. But he was hoping to stall the talk for a long time. As it turned out Magnus refused to allow that. Because the warlock still remembered his slip of a tongue upon waking up a second time. And demanded answers.

So Alec told him. Rambling and choking on his words along the way. He went through the whole incredible and horrible story. Edom… Lost magic… Death… Time travel… Diah… Immortality…

While they stared at his new, blood red rune Magnus's eyes were unreadable. For a time. Until a glare, so sharp that it made the Shadowhunter shiver, hardened. "She had no right to do this to you!"

Alec remained silent, because he agreed. How could he not? This was toying with his life in the most dramatic way. He was still furious and scared.

"And the way she risked your life…!" Magnus shook his head, obviously imagining a version where it ended far worse. "She used you…!"

"Magnus." Alec wasn't sure if his boyfriend was ready to hear what he had to say. But he needed to let it out. "Do you have any idea how gladly I said 'yes'? I was ready to use dark magic! Or go to Edom myself! I'm glad she came and made her offer."

Magnus continued to glare at the rune. Which was when Alec remembered Diah saying that her brother would stop listening the second she'd enter the picture. The centuries old man breathed sharply, several times over. Angry magic sizzled and hissed around clenched fists. "Alexander… Can you step outside, for a moment?" Magnus went on tensely when he failed to comply. "I'm not in control over myself right now and I don't want to risk hurting you. So, please…!" The warlock trailed off.

Alec didn't want to leave. But he remembered entirely too well how bad he felt after every time he lashed out at Magnus. So he nodded slowly. "I'll… be in the living room." He was at the door when he went on. "I love you."

Magnus met his eyes. Affection shone brightly through the rage that wasn't directed at him. "I love you, too."

Alec had barely closed the door when noise that was so loud he jumped erupted. Several items were hurled at walls and shattered. Magnus didn't scream, snarl and curse. Magic did all that for him. With a grimace the archer retreated to the couch, deeming that a safe distance. And waited, since he apparently had all the time in the world.

It took over half an hour before the noise quieted. And another hour before the bedroom's door opened and Magnus walked out slowly. Neither of them spoke while the warlock took a seat beside him, both of them too deep in thought for anything verbal.

In the end Magnus went first, pointedly not looking at him. "I know that you don't want immortality." They discussed the topic after their fight over the memory box and Alec's drunken bar night. "I'm not powerful enough to remove that rune. I'm pretty sure that only a Greater Demon can do it. But… I'll do anything…"

"What if I rather keep it than risk you doing something stupid to get rid of it?" Alec sputtered. He shook his head when Magnus looked at him incredulously. "I don't… I don't think I want it. I never asked for it. But, if it's what I'm stuck with…" He shrugged helplessly. "There are worse things than centuries with you."

Magnus stared at him in utter disbelief, with a breathtaking amount of love. Like the thought of someone wanting to share an immortal life with him was something he hadn't dared to entertain. "You continue to surprise me." The warlock then sobered. "Alec… We may not get centuries, you know that. Immortality… It's not a guarantee of a long future. We don't even know what tomorrow brings."

Alec shrugged again. This time determinedly. "Aren't you the one who's been trying to tell me to make the most of the time we get?" He should've listened sooner. But, better late than never, he supposed.

He still had so many things to learn. And by the Angel, when it came to relationship things, he was a slow learner! Now… Now he had forever to get it right.

Immortality. Maybe, after he'd processed it for a decade or two, he'd learn to enjoy the sound of that. He already knew that things could've been far worse. He'd seen the worst, after all.

Magnus smiled, and kissed him soundly. They left their foreheads pressed together afterwards, both needing the comfort. "What about… all those people you'll lose?" the older man asked cautiously.

Alec shuddered, feeling a sharp slash of ache. "I don't want to think about it." He really, seriously didn't. (Of course he was already overthinking it.)

After several lifetimes of losses Magnus understood better than well. The older man gave him a long moment. "And the Clave? If they find out what you did for me… And if they discover your rune…" The man trailed off.

Alec had already thought about that. (Of course he had.) "It'll take a lot of more years until they'll get suspicious over me not aging like I should. When that time comes…" He shrugged. Yet again. He guessed he'd be doing a lot of that until everything sunk in. "The world's our oyster. Right?"

A flicker of amusement radiated from Magnus while they both lingered in the memory of a certain lovely date. "That it is. For as long as we get." And that might be a very long time indeed.

/

Never, ever would Alec have guessed that the losses would start from Max. It happened almost exactly four years later. On the boy's second more challenging mission.

A hunt gone wrong. A second's delay. And his little brother was gone.

Alec raged. Lashed out. Attacked everyone in his pain. Until Magnus found him from the bathroom floor, once he finally broke down. "Magnus…" He ran out of words. (How had his boyfriend dealt with pain like that, over and over again, for ages?)

"I know", Magnus whispered. "I know." They both knew far too well how true that was.

They held on to each other for dear life until the morning dawned.

/

A month later they headed to a trip around the world. Because they needed and deserved a vacation. A week and a half into their trip they were at a luxurious hotel in a paradise the name of which Alec couldn't remember. Through an open balcony door a warm wind and the intoxicating scent of exotic flowers floated in. In the darkness of the room two bodies that knew every inch of each other arched and pulsated from pleasure. Until they shuddered almost simultaneously, pleasure driving them wild before it exploded. Breathless gasps and groans announced that both men were very satisfied with the outcome.

Alec still felt greedy and needy, afterwards. Magnus lay calmly, humming from pleasure when the Shadowhunter left a trail of kisses on his naked form. Lips… Neck…

And then Alec found his lips lingering on top of a small, star-shaped scar. It was almost directly above Magnus's heart, at the exact spot where the archer had his immortality rune. The already faded but still far too visible sign of injury seemed deceitfully harmless. Yet it nearly stole the warlock from him.

"Hey." Magnus's gentle hand forced his gaze away from the scar and to a pair of dark eyes. "I'm right here."

Alec stared at the man who meant the world to him. And found himself uttering something that'd been on the tip of his tongue for a while already. "Will you marry me?" Realizing what he just did, the archer felt himself blush radiantly. "I… I mean… I don't even have a damned ring, so I get it… if you don't want to, but… I'd want to…"

Magnus interrupted him with a passionate kiss. Unshed tears and love shone in the warlock's eyes when they finally broke apart. "There's no one else I could ever imagine marrying, Alexander." Then, probably sensing that things were getting too emotional, his new fiancé went on. "But I'm expecting… a damned ring, somewhere in near future. You know how much I love wearing those things."

"I love you", Alec countered.

"Show me how much", Magnus challenged.

Alec gladly did just that.

/

Seven months after their engagement Alec responded to an alert at the Institute. Barging through the doors, he braced himself for a demon attack. Instead he saw a child-shaped form huddled under a blanket near the entrance. Soft, mew-like whimpers came from the fabric's covers.

Alec had enough experience and wits to realize that it could've been a trap. But something pulled him like a magnetic force. With a gentle, careful hand he moved the blanket. Just enough to reveal a tiny, terrified face.

_Blue_ face.

The boy was about the same size as a one -year-old child. Horrified eyes stared at him, wide and wild until something like recognition dawned. "Daddy?" the tiny warlock whimpered hopefully.

Alec knew, right there, that there was no way he'd be able to just forget about the boy and leave him to strangers. Not knowing what else to do, he called Magnus. Surely a grown warlock was the best person to make sure that everything was alright with a far smaller one? And to help Alec decide what to do.

The baby had obviously made up his mind, if the way he clung to Alec was any indication. The Shadowhunter was far more hesitant. He and Magnus had never talked about having children. What if his fiancé was against the idea?

It turned out that Alec was once again worrying over nothing.

The two warlocks looked at each other. And in an instant it became apparent that a connection had been formed. "Hello, Little Blueberry", Magnus greeted softly.

The boy didn't exactly speak, rather chirped in a very excited manner. At that moment it was decided that he was going home with them. Choosing a name took a couple of more days.

In the end Alec came to think of one. He glanced towards Magnus, who had their young charge enchanted by a silly little magic trick. "How about Max?" he suggested tentatively.

Looking away from the magic momentarily, the child beamed. "I'm Max!" the boy announced, proudly and happily. Then allowed Magnus's tricks to charm him again.

Magnus smiled. "You heard him. He's Max", the warlock pointed out with amusement and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. Of course he knew full well how important the name was to Alec. "Besides, we can't keep calling him just Little Blueberry forever."

/

Roughly five years later they were shocked by another loss. Another one neither of them had seen coming. Circle members attacked and Magnus didn't make it to the scene before it was too late.

Alec and other Shadowhunters rushed in moments later. To find Magnus kneeling in a pile of dust. There was a horrible, broken and hollow expression on the warlock's face. "Raphael, he… He's gone."

Magnus didn't say another word for a long time after that. During those endless hours Alec arranged Izzy to babysit Max. Then, with tremendous effort, he succeeded in prying his fiancé up so he could take him home. After watching Magnus sitting on their couch for over an hour, utterly still and unresponsive, the Shadowhunter considered calling Catarina for assistance. Until all of a sudden Magnus was moving with purpose, a hand slipping to his pocket.

Alec didn't look or pry to find out what Magnus put into his memory box to remember Raphael by. It was his fiancé's personal matter, and he'd grown up enough to respect that. He did glance to the side upon hearing a softly murmured word. "What…?"

Alec's heart thudded when he realized that Magnus just found his letter.

_'I put this letter here, right on top of yours, so you'll find it on the kind of a day when you need to read my words the most. I'm so sorry that I ever imagined, for even a second, that I could become just an arrowhead in a box for you. I finally understand what you were trying to tell me. If I would ever lose you, I wouldn't move on, either. Because you're the first and only of great many things for me, too. And I'm grateful for every single day that I get to have with you.'_

Alec wasn't sure what happened next. But all of sudden they were both on the floor, Magnus holding him so tightly that it almost hurt. Neither of them said a word, didn't have to. Their respective letters expressed everything necessary.

When Magnus eventually broke down to sobs Alec tightened his embrace in a reminder that although the warlock's world just cracked, it didn't end.

/

A few months later Magnus found a surprise that made their family whole.

He'd been visiting someone who used to be a friend for important information and had no other choice but to deem the meeting infuriatingly pointless. Frustrated and exhausted, he fantasized about a stiff drink he wouldn't get because he had a young son waiting for him at home. Until he felt something unexpected.

A small hand, trying to steal his wallet.

The almost-thief operated quickly but Magnus was faster. Seconds later he arched an eyebrow upon facing a boy who seemed only a few years older than Max. The eyebrow rose higher when he noticed a couple of runes. "A pick-pocketing Shadowhunter? Now this… must have a fascinating story."

The boy, who was visibly terrified, swallowed hard. "I… I don't have any money, and I'm hungry. I'm sorry…!" It was then the child came to think of something and frowned. "How… How can you see me? And how did you know that I'm a Shadowhunter?"

Magnus smiled. "I know quite a bit about them. My fiancé is one." He considered for a moment. "How about I buy you a meal, so we can both ask a few more questions?"

The boy was taken aback upon learning that Magnus was a warlock. But only briefly. He was too young to have had certain traditional Shadowhunter prejudices sink in deep. The child revealed that he'd been on the streets since his mother died. For so long that he couldn't remember the name she gave him. In return Magnus told him about Alec.

"So… A warlock, and a Shadowhunter…" The boy chewed on his food loudly, too hungry to mind his manners. "How… does that work?" It might've sounded rude, if it wasn't asked so innocently.

One corner of Magnus's lips quirked upwards. "Someone very wise told me once that relationships take effort." He tilted his head. "You remind me of Alec, a little. And… Even more of someone else who was important to me. You look a lot like him." Ache stabbed him when memories floated to his head. "His name was Raphael."

The child was very clearly curious. But also didn't want to be nosy. Dark eyes glanced towards the food that'd vanished. "I'm sorry I tried to steal from you", the boy muttered sincerely, downcast eyes full of shame. "I'll… I'll pay you back. I mean, for the food. One day."

Magnus's mind was made up. He could only hope that Alec would agree. "Well, to do that you'd have to come with me, wouldn't you?"

Alec was very understandably caught by surprise when Magnus came to see him at work with a strange child. But he smiled, anyway. "Well… Hello, there. And welcome to the Institute." The two Shadowhunters shared an adorably solemn and professional handshake. "What's your name?"

"Rafael", the boy answered.

/

Eventually, after a couple of more eventful years of raising their unexpected family, Magnus and Alec remembered to get married. It wasn't like they would've needed to prove their commitment to their closest ones, or especially to each other. But the idea of making it official proved to be irresistible.

Once upon a time Alec worried about people not accepting his sexual orientation and his relationship. That very day he was amused by what a fool he'd been. With a seelie marrying them as a somewhat subtle act of rebellion against the Clave, and Shadowhunters, warlocks, werewolves and even a vampire in attendance… (Two of them being their own children, no less.) With representatives of all of different races giving their blessing… He'd never felt more accepted, even if a lot of people still frowned upon who and what he was.

They exchanged beautiful rings, made of white gold. The one Alec received had a stone the color of which matched Magnus's cat eyes perfectly. Magnus's carried a stone that was the exact shade of Alec's immortality rune. Both rings had the same words engraved inside. ' _forever yours_ '

Later they shared their first dance as a married couple. Overcome by the moment, Alec leaned to his husband's ear. "Remember when I told you that I'd always dreamed of meeting someone like you?"

"Oh, I most definitely do."

Alec smiled. (It hurt a little after he'd been grinning like an idiot most of the day, but he didn't mind.) "I was wrong. This is better than my dreams."

Magnus chuckled. "Alexander Lightwood. Who would've thought that you have such a sappy side?"

As a punishment Alec dipped the older man. "Only for you", he proclaimed. "And that's Lightwood-Bane, now." He said the new addition to his surname with a silly amount of pride.

Magnus's smile matched his own. When they were chest to chest once more the warlock kissed his cheek. "I like the sound of that."

/

Time continued to pass by without a shred of mercy. Years became decades. Inevitably came the day when Alec had to leave the Institute behind. Far too many people were growing suspicious and only so much could be explained by good genes. It was only a matter of time before one of them would find out too much.

Alec looked at the building that used to be his home. That was his workplace. For many years it was his whole world. Leaving it behind, walking away from the life he'd known… It was no easy feat. But even with the melancholy he knew that he wasn't losing the things that mattered the most.

His friends and family would visit often. If he'd eventually leave the city they'd be only a portal away. He'd get to see them whenever he wanted to. And he'd be a Shadowhunter for however long he'd live. He wasn't letting anyone take that away from him.

And what were the things he was giving up in comparison to what he got to keep and receive?

A hand squeezed his. Magnus's eyes were full of worry and understanding. "Are you ready?"

Alec nodded, before looking towards the building and everything it represented, one last time. He'd given it enough. It was time to trust it to the hands of others. He was at peace with that thought. "Yeah. Let's go."

/

Several more decades later the story of a warlock and a Shadowhunter falling in love was passed on from a person to another as a legend. Like it was just another fairytale. But it wasn't without an impact. Painfully slowly, but surely, old prejudices were questioned. How could such pure love have been wrong?

"They got their happy ending, right?"

"The story isn't over yet, but… Yeah", Alec affirmed. (Under different circumstances it might've amused him how he, of all people, was retelling the tale.) "They're happy."

"Good. Then I like that story." Jace, old, wrinkled and silver-haired, gave him a curious look. Then frowned. "I'm… supposed to know you, right?" That seemingly simple question hurt so much that it was almost unbearable. "Why don't I know you?"

Alec gritted his teeth and shook his head. "Don't worry about that. Just…" He swallowed thickly. "Just sleep. The medication always makes you drowsy."

Jace seemed too exhausted to do anything else but comply. On the verge of falling asleep the man fought to stay awake for a few more moments. "Clary, my wife… Did you see her on your way in? Where did she go? She was just here…"

Fighting the tears was one of the hardest battles Alec had ever fought. His whole body shook. "She just stepped outside for a moment." His voice was so hoarse that it was almost unrecognizable. "She'll be back soon." He'd been through Jace remembering that Clary died a long time ago and grieving losing her all over again a horrible number of times. He found himself praying that this wouldn't be one of those occasions.

Minutes later Alec practically ran out of the room and into the arms of the man waiting for him in the hallway. Neither said a thing while Magnus held him. Operated as his pillar of support while Alec cried, silent tears of loss and agony.

Somehow it was worse to lose someone so completely while they were still alive, close enough to be touched yet in a whole another world.

Much later that night Alec and Magnus lay in their bed, tangled together and unable to sleep. The archer was desperate to distract himself from the sorrow over Jace. Eventually he came to think of something. "The warlock who originally asked for the immortality rune to be created… And the Shadowhunter… I never got the chance to ask Izzy how their story ended."

Magnus mused for a long moment. Remembering. "Well… I heard about it a long time ago. And I'm not sure if what I learned is the truth of things. But, in the version I know the Shadowhunter was very ill and dying. So sick that no amount of magic could cure it. The warlock decided to do anything and everything to help."

The hair in the back of Alec's neck stood up when it occurred to him that the despair was similar to what drove Magnus to Edom in the original timeline. He had to swallow before he found his voice. "And, the rune… Did it save the Shadowhunter?"

Magnus hesitated. "No. The Shadowhunter chose death over the curse of immortality."

Alec… didn't know what to think about that.

Magnus went on, quietly and reluctantly. "The warlock was there when the Shadowhunter died. And was never heard from again."

/

Time, it seemed, had made Asmodeus grow softer. Enough so to allow Diah one day to go and visit topside. She wasn't given or needed long. Out of all available options, she used that time to visit a certain ancient grave. The first name had faded from view over time, but one could just barely make out the surname.

' _Lightwood_ '

Diah gritted her teeth. Still, even after hundreds of years, the pain cut deep. But at least she no longer felt like crying. "You refused to accept the gift I bargained with my father, when I found out how ill you were", she murmured. "It took me almost two hundred years to figure out that it wasn't to avoid immortality. But because you knew that using the rune would curse me to a life in Edom. It took me that long to figure out that instead of not loving me enough you loved me too much." She shook her head. "You noble idiot…! Didn't you understand how much better of a place this miserable world would've been with you in it? Even if we could've never been together. Going to hell would've been a small price for your life."

A gentle breeze of wind caressed her face. After decades in hell, she shivered at the contact. "Just so you know… I did put that gift to good use, at last. Because I figured that at least one person from both our families deserves an eternity of happiness. Magnus and Alec had better use it well." She scoffed. "You Lightwoods are the weakness of Asmodeus's children, it seems."

After those words she finally did what she came for. She placed a single, white rose to the grave. Then, cat eyes visible, she left the tombstone behind and opened a portal. Just before heading to Edom she lifted her gaze towards the sky up above. She then snorted at her own uncharacteristic sentimentality and pushed herself through the portal. There was nothing worth staying for, anyway.

At the exact moment when heaven and hell separated the lovers once again, it began to rain.

/

Once Magnus finished the part of the story he knew, Alec shivered. Deep in thought, he leaned his head against his husband's shoulder. And imagined a world where he'd chosen the same and left his warlock walking the Earth alone.

Magnus couldn't miss his troubled thoughts. "I… brought this curse upon you." A thumb rubbed the back of his hand. "You don't regret it, do you?"

It wasn't an entirely simple question. Especially after all the losses they'd already faced together. They still had a mortal son who wasn't getting any younger while they stayed the same. And he had a parabatai who likely didn't have very long left to live. It was a horrible thing, to feel his heart ache and know that the worst pain was yet to come.

Then, for the millionth time, Alec remembered Magnus turning to dust in his arms. He recalled all the good, amazing and magical things they'd already shared. And he realized that the question was easier than he'd thought. "Magnus Lightwood-Bane, I could never regret a life with you." He meant those words, from the bottom of his bruised but still strongly beating heart.

Magnus rewarded his answer with a long, languid kiss.

There was no knowing what the future would bring. Or how long that future would be. But if decades had taught Alec anything, it was accepting that uncertainty as a part of life.

After losing his whole future for a while, he greeted each new day they had together as a miracle. And he looked back fondly on all those days they'd had. Starting from the very beginning.

/

/ _"I'm Magnus. I don't think we've been formally introduced."_

_He smiled. (He didn't know it yet then, but he felt alive for the first time in his life.) "Alec."_ /

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just didn't have the heart to tear Magnus away from Alec... again. How's that for an ending? (smiles fondly)
> 
> ONLY, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AN ENDING JUST YET! How would you feel if I'd post oneshots about their immortal life together? There's only so much one super long chapter can cover. Would you be interested in reading an 'Immortal Lives' series?
> 
> AND, seriously... How was that for an ending? Any good, at all? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! It ALWAYS means the world to me.
> 
> Thank you, so, so much, for sticking around through this story! Who knows. Maybe I'll see you again later?
> 
> Take care!

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy… That was a bit mean of me. (winces) (In case you're wondering why I use certain quotes often... It's because I just KNOW that sooner or later, they'll come back to haunt Alec, mercilessly.) (whimpers) Poor boys!
> 
> Was this good, at all? Thoughts, comments, rants…? PLEASE, do let me hear from you!
> 
> In any case, THANK YOU, so much, for reading this! Whoever knows. Maybe we'll meet again.
> 
> Take care!


End file.
